Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Looking forward, not back...

I really need to remind myself to do this!!  I have spiralled myself into a dark hole.  I have been looking back, and the light is at the end of the tunnel, not behind me.  I have been saying goodbye to friends and family - which is good - although I have to remember it isn't 'goodbye' (I'll never see you again) goodbye... its 'goodbye' (I won't see you for a while) goodbye.  I've been looking at the house and the life I was expecting to have - and mourning the loss of THOSE expectations.  I need to focus on new expectations, and the new challenges, adventures and memories I will be blessed with.  Its not just me that this is hard on though - and I DO understand that.  I have tried to make it easier (not sure how I'm doing with that) and I hope I have. 

So to look forward:
I am hoping to see Gary this weekend.  His trainer is taking his home time and since he lives in/near Fontana he will be dropping Gary off at the terminal - So one bright light is that I will get to see Gary!!  Another bright light is the adventure we will be doing together.  The memories we will be making and sharing - the good and the bad... but even the bad, when shared, aren't THAT bad. Looking forward to my daughter and her husband making a home for themselves - and our grandbaby. Seeing what 'their' plans are for the house and property :) Another light is that I will FINALLY be able to see the US.  I have wanted to see more of the country for YEARS, now I can.  Most of it will be from the interstate, but there will be times when we will be able to 'explore' :)  I'm looking forward to trying my hand at taking pictures... not sure how good they will be, but I will have fun trying - LOL!

See - now that I'm concentrating on the forward, and the good parts of the forward journey, I feel better :)


  1. I think I can honestly say that I completely, totally, and intimately understand where you're at.

    The economy forced my husband to trade a career he loved, lived, and breathed for a "job". We left everything we had behind and are far from everyone we know and love.

    On the other hand, we've been places and had experiences we would never have had the opportunity to experience. We found our love is REAL - oh, we thought we'd been "tested" through the years - but now realize we were actually just practicing.

    I have my moments of doubt and fear, but in many ways I have never felt more alive in my life. The storms have their own magic and the calms remind us of the peace we hold inside ourselves.

    We have been forced to stretch ourselves and become not who we thought we were - but who we truly are at any given moment.

    This is both scary and exciting stuff - the stuff that a meaningful, purposeful life is made of - and when that meaning and purpose is shared with the love of your life, well, I'm blessed.

    I can see that this is the stuff you are made of and predict high adventure (along with moments of extreme boredom :) for you both.

  2. I am right there with you....but you know what they say about expectations...
    Life is a journey and sometimes there are detours. I can remember several rides we were on that involved turning the entire pack around or going down goat paths and they turned out to be our greatest rides, didn't they? Our new adventures will be just like that, I am sure!!

  3. I agree!! I think some of the best trips Gary and I took is when we picked a direction instead of a destination :)