pa·tience[pey-shuh
ns]
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
Definition provided by Dictionary.com
What a precious commodity that is!! It has been totally used up today... now I am just fatigued, depressed, frustrated... by what you might ask? Oh a number of things... and if I went into detail I would be seriously WHINING - and OH do I really want to!! However I do know this is sort of public here - I am putting it out there - but this is also my 'life' I'm blogging/journaling about... and right now its a very frustrating/stressful life. Yes I do know others have it harder - and yes things could be worse - and no I don't want them to be worse - I DO want them to get better - but some things won't GET better... in a single word - Momma. Other things will take time and waiting - and I don't like waiting - because I would like to know the outcome NOW!! Another thing is computers and programs and stuff I am not that good at - and all the CRAP that goes with them!! Can we say FRUSTRATION here? Still other stuff I pray will get better - but I'm scared that it might just get worse - hence the stress.
During this stress/fatigue/frustration - I would really like to eat myself senseless - so I don't have to feel any of this ... well sort of. I find myself wanting to, but not wanting to.... it's like a vicious circle in my head - go ahead/NO don't/go ahead, you know you want to/NO DON'T - needless to say, I'm not always successful listening to the NO don't voice... sigh... but sometimes I am. I sure hope it gets easier - because right now - its not so easy!!
Paula -- I am sorry you are going through this difficult time -- you have to bear a great deal, caring for momma, your family, your job, your "new" self, etc. I cannot even imagine how that would feel, to care for someone like momma. I have a hard enough time caring for myself and my husband - ha! just kidding.....I pray tomorrow will be a better day for you, friend, and try not to beat up on yourself too badly if you have slipped with the eating. I can relate to that as well -- I am a stress eater and boredom eater, both of which I am dealing with but NOTHING like what you are dealing with today. Bless your heart....hang in there Paula!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ((HUG)) - I'm doing a bit better this morning - the well of patience has been filled over night... its not 'full' but its better than yesterday - LOL!
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