Distance is so frustrating!! I had a chance for some overtime work doing a night shift - I took it - and what happens when I'm 25 miles away? Momma decides to wander down the hall way at 5 am (needless to say - not for the first time last night) and just as Gary gets to her, she stumbles and falls into the wall. Yeah she's fine - bumped her elbow (who said it was a funny bone!!) but there is no way I can leave work to help him pick her up!! Plus even if I could have left right then it would have taken me 30 minutes (pretending to drive the speed limit) to get home. She refused/didn't understand to get to her hands and knees - he tried a gate belt (a wide belt used in skilled nursing facilities to 'grip' patients and help with transfers) - just couldn't get her up - so called EMS. She is back in bed and won't remember any of this in a few minutes. The frustration I feel at not being there to help though will stick around for a while!! God bless my husband - and of course during this time (as he tells me) she is asking for 'her son'. When he says 'Mom I am your son', she replies 'I thought I had a good son'... If she had any clue as to how good a son she has!!! Of course if she had any clue she would be mortified at her actions and responses. Some times the repeated example of the person we have already lost is just ONE of the hardest things about this disease. Yeah sure - Momma's body is still here. She moves, talks and poops - but WHO she was isn't here anymore. That 'who' has gradually left, and on very rare occasions will we see glimpses of her. Those occasions thought are almost zilch at this point though.
An off the wall thought we have had - and a dream in a way... We always thought it would be cool that 'when' we 'retire' we would become 'team' drivers and drive truck across country. That might come to pass. Gary is looking into every avenue to getting a job (he even applied as a used car salesman!!) and truck driving is something he use to do and enjoyed. IF he does that though - Momma would not be staying at home anymore - she would need to go to a 'hotel' full time. Especially if he got a job that wasn't a set time frame - and I don't see that happening as a new hire. He would get the scutt jobs and I don't think they would be the 'choice' hours. There would be a 'few' considerations before I became a driver - such as health insurance and who would take care of the house or run the business that I started (not that there are a lot of customers - but I do have a few!!) - who knows what will be in a year though - I never thought I would see below 200 pounds again and here I am - time will tell and I will trust in God!!