Friday, December 10, 2010

And so it begins...

Gary is off taking his drug test and getting his second physical in a month.  When we were headed this direction he got a DOT physical done... then found out that the school/company do their own (to make sure the other doc didn't just 'sign off' on things) so the recruiter says... and you know you can ALWAYS trust the recruiter to tell you the truth :) Ours seem to do OK though - plus since Gary has driven before we have SOME idea what we are heading into - him better than me, but I'll learn.  This is really going to happen!!  There are so many emotions going on though.  My head knows that we are doing the best thing for Momma - as I'm scooting around the house (well typing right now) and she is parked in front of the TV as a Momma sitter.  That doesn't do anything for the social interaction.  She gets bored and we just can't sit there and 'entertain' her.  My heart though is going through a rough patch.  So is Gary's.  We both wanted to take care of her until she didn't need it any more - but in reality - that isn't a possibility.  Now not only will we not be doing it personally, but we won't even be in town!!  I know (in my head) that we are doing everything we can to make sure we find a GOOD place and we have people we love and trust in town for her. My heart though feels like we are abandoning her.  That's not a fun feeling.

To concentrate though on the good feelings though... the fence (to seal the back yard for Lynn and Morgan's dogs) is going in.  Sunday Momma will be moving into her new place - Monday Gary starts school - 6 days a week for 3 weeks... then off to 'training'... so I have 3 more weeks to get my HUGS in. 

I am so proud though of my daughter and her husband.  They are really stepping in and shouldering a lot!  Yes they are getting a lot - but still.  They could have said no, but they didn't.  Doing this the home and property will stay in the family and we will have a place to come back to.  They won't be doing it ALL alone, but its very different when we aren't just right down the street. I'm just glad they have invented the internet and cellular phones :)  I'm wanting them to feel that this is their HOME. When we took over the old house, I never did any of my OWN changes.  I regret that.  It will be hard to 'let go' the 'let them' - I did have some visions where I wanted to take the house - but time and money played their part and now this is happening. 

So now I need to get ready to go to work - Gary is on his way back from the stuff he needed to do.  Tomorrow is our Monthly Breakfast we have been doing for YEARS - it will be a 'goodbye' there - but we have one of our favorite waitresses on FB so can keep in touch - LOL!  Well bye for now...

1 comment:

  1. Sweet Paula,
    I can SO relate to all of what you are thinking!! Thanks for voicing it so well! Alan and I know that traveling with Lisa and her Downs and now Alzheimers will be a huge challenge and in a smaller space.
    My abandonment issue is leaving this beautiful house. All of my inheritance from my parents went into I letting my Dad down? My parents ashes and David's are I letting them down for leaving?
    Plus, one of my biggest joys is to go to the post Office or little store or the nursery and I know every person and they know me....I truly love that. And now, everyone asks "Are you really leaving?" And they are sad to hear's nice to be validated and loved. A friend of ours was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and the town has rallied in the same way they rallied around Alan and me when we lost our sons.....I love that about Camptonville.
    Still.....we are coming back regularly so we can see people then and get to Lisa's docs. And we get to travel in the meantime. Alan and I love to travel and Lisa is awesome with it. Never a "Are we there yet?" or "He's thinking about hitting me" (my youngest actually did say that to which I responded "I'M thinking about hitting you!!" and then we all laughed!)
    I guess what I'm saying is that yes, there will be sad times (for the 4 of us), but adventures, too! Think of the beautiful land we will be traveling!! I have been to many 3rd world countries, but not my own....I want to see it. The National Parks, the largest ball of string...whatever!!
    I know that whatever or however this next phase is both of our lives plays out....we'll all be glad we did it! Momma will be happier with people all around her, Lisa will love to new-ness of everything, you and Gary will be a postive force out there truckin' and have less money worries and Alan and I will be traveling with less money stress, too.
    Love you guys!