Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A little bit of reflection...

As I've said before - I have been driving and thinking about all the things I would love to 'blog' about... one of them is what 'all of this' has meant to me - personally.  This is going to be a bit scattered - just like I am (most of the time - LOL).  This training period was a time to prove to myself that I CAN do things on my own.  Yeah - I had a trainer, but I was the one learning.  For so long I have had self doubt and insecurity about my abilities - and nope that isn't all gone either - but I was able to do this.  Without leaning on someone else to do it.  Well I did lean on God - this has been a leap of faith - but another person I mean.  Now will come the time that I team up with Gary - so I won't be 'on my own' any more - I needed to prove to myself 'I' could do it - and I did.  So many times - with other things - I would hesitate and not do it (fixing something, or doing a project) because I would be worried that I wouldn't be able to right... that I would fail... or I would disappoint who ever.  My 'fat' self I think hid behind that fear.  My new self - the one that I'm working on - is trying to 'do' even with the fear.  Taking the leap with faith.  Man can it be scary, but oh so worth it!!  I have been able to meet some WONDERFUL people, see some AMAZING things and actually DO something I have only dreamed about.  Will this continue to work out - only God knows for sure - but I'm enjoying the ride :)

Well enough waxing poetically - LOL - today will be completing paperwork and some (more) orientation type stuff (I think).  There will be a driving test - not the official DMV one - that I passed - but the company one.  Little nervous about that - I want to do my trainer proud :) He keeps telling me that I'm doing good and that I'm one of the best he has had - but my self doubt still colors those comments with skepticism - sigh... like I said I'm a work in progress.

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