Saturday, June 2, 2012


Arg - I really don't like them!!  I sure can tell when the end of the month/first of the month rolls around... not only am I looking at bills (which is depressing in its self) but every tone of voice or word said or imagined sets me spirialing down my well...  Daughter offers (since she and the neighborhood are having a yard sale) to put some of our stuff out - I'm going ok,,, I guess,,, Gary is like NO... I hear frustration in daughter's voice, because she is just being nice and thinking of us... I hear frustration in Gary's voice because we are working SO VERY hard to keep what we have and not lose what we have fought so hard to get.  Yeah I know its just STUFF but its stuff that means something - that at one time we were comfortable and successful??  Thinking about selling makes it feel like we have some how failed... and who knows, we might yet fail... fail to keep the house and or our belongings... fail to have anything to pass to our daughter and grandchild/children... fail to provide for ourselves in our 'retirement'... Damn... why do I post when I'm feeling down - LOL??  Really I'm not always this way.  There have been some really good times out here too - I do enjoy the view from my office... I do enjoy the 'freedom' although we aren't as 'free' as it appears.  Just being home for that little bit has put a kink in the bills we were trying to get paid.  I have been looking (half heartedly) for a company that would be/run more locally... but Gary doesn't like to quit... I just have no idea how we are going to be able to keep things running and afloat and maintained... sigh... I really don't like this time of the month!! Reality hits harder and is harder to ignore...

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweetheart! I can SO relate, once again! When we lost the house or were forced to sell to not lose what little equity we killed me.I began the plans on a piece of binder paper when I was in high school! It was my dream house. Selling the motorcycle was pure hell. Selling or giving away all of our "stuff" felt like I had failed at being an adult. Failing the RV life was yet another failure.
    But here's the good news!!! In the end....a house is a roof over your head when it rains, Alan isn't comfortable on a bike anymore and therefor dangerous, stuff is just get different stuff now, bills always somehow get paid, albeit slowly and the RV life was an adventure I'm glad we tried. Now we'll never say "what if"!!
    And yep! Hormones make it all the more glaring....shitty little things!! Pull out or start your gratitude helps for those down days. And know that you are loved, actually cherished!!!! Hugs, sweet friend