Sunday, February 19, 2012

Should'a - Would'a - Could'a

Yep hindsight is 20/20 - but we aren't gifted with that.  We just have to deal with our choices and move on.  I would so love to get into details - because my mind is busting with them!!  Total conversations going around and around... and I don't seem to 'win' a single one of them.  Regrets and might have beens (hence the title)... However typing out details in a public place isn't me... or at least I try really hard not to.  I remember getting very upset when that happened to someone else - and now I'm gagged because of it.  Oh don't get me wrong - I have 'BLOGGED' at times, and just not posted - but its not the same.  I would love to have others tell me I'm right, or comiserate with me, or give me encouraging words... We all need that at times. So I stew... and while stewing I spiral... and I try to pull myself up by my boot straps all by myself... because who do I have to 'talk' to... someone that is the same closet with me and feeling the same things... the hurt and frustrations and even a bit of hopelessness.  As in why do we even try? (OK I read this part to him - and he said 'yep feel the same things - just not as vocal as you are')

We try because we try to help and preserve the past ... maybe not in the right way though... again looking back... maybe there were things we SHOULD'A done differently? WOULD it have made a difference in today?  It COULD'A... but we will never know... so we play the cards we are dealt - and 'make do' with what we have and try to be happy... which is MUCH harder at times than others. 

Now please don't read this and think we are disappointed in a person(s) - it is a situation - a situation that past choices have put all of us in.

So I have now spouted as much as I feel comfortable doing - I have pulled my boots up a bit and am trying really hard not to 'think' too much - and doing a whole lot of praying!!  (feel free to toss some our way)

I just have to remember we all do the best we can at the time - its when we look back that we see where different choices COULD have been made... now to make the best choices we can and move on...

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