Sigh... bit of a whine here - so feel free to skip this one...

I don't feel good... Yesterday - had a little bit of discomfort in my L foot, thought maybe I scrubbed it too hard when I took a bubble bath.  This morning - redness and increased discomfort on the top of my food.  Ok - I'll take it easy, but I NEED to go to WalMart.  I'm out of protein and drink mixes and munchies... and the munching I've been doing hasn't been good choices.  So off to WM I go... shuttle to the term/shuttle to WM - there walking around for 1 hour/shuttle back to the term/shuttle back to the hotel.  Mean while - my temp has gone up (I can tell because my lips are BLUE and I am shivering so hard I can barely push the cart), I am having REALLY BAD pain in my foot/calf/behind my knee and groin.  Thank GOD I got prescribed some broadspectrum ABX that will kill just about everything but me - however they tend to cause yeast infections too (joy).  Also when I'm back at the term, they let me know I'm getting shuffled to a new room w/a roommate... sigh... so I finally get back to the hotel - thank goodness for bell carts - move all my stuff over.  TV is blaring,  and there are 3 people in here.  Thankfully the guys left - (no hanky panky or anything - just classmates) and my RM left (probably visiting in their room - that don't hurt my feelings AT ALL).  I took a warm (not hot - didn't want to do any more tissue damage - but I did want to warm up) bath, I'm in bed with my legs elevated slightly - started on my ABX and waiting for my fever to break... I feel like I'm ROASTING!! I did take some Excedrin though - so that will help the pain and temp.  Ah the glamoris life of a trucker!! Gary still isn't due until Tuesday - but I'm suppose to head over to the term to work on getting us a different truck... so I'm going to call - and if I need to show my face - I will!!  My trainer is wanting out of his lease - and we are seriously considering that. It would only go to October (If I remember correctly) so we can see if that is for us (I think L/O will be) but again health insurance is an issue... case in point - what if I didn't have these ABX to take - that would mean no coverage (as we would be independant contractors) unless we can find some individual coverage.  That would have meant a visit to an urgent care, doctor visit, and RX... not cheap by any means.  Need to check with the tax guys to see if we incorporate, can we deduct our health insurance since we would be  'employee's' of the corporation?? So something to work out.  So here I wait - but I feel SO much better w/my leg covered - I'm warm (almost too warm because of the fever) and I'm drinking my fluids (really behind on that today - only about 30 oz so far).  I'm also going to enclude a protein drink tonight - since I'm behind on that too... Well that's it for now - off to read the forum and FB... :) Of course I will probably fall asleep in the middle of it and be up in the wee hours again - LOL!  Oh well - there is always HULU!!

A time line penciled in...

Sigh - got a call today re: Whey Low - well the website is down - and she didn't want to give me any info over the phone... yeah I don't see the business doing bunches for a while... but I knew this would happen.  I'm ok with that - I'm moving on.  I spoke with the recruiter in Fontana - I think that is where I will doing my schooling and training.  That will leave me up here with only settling the house and work to worry about, then when I leave I will only have the schooling and training to worry about (well I will still worry about up here - but things will be as settled as I can get it before I go).  We did a test on scanning mail today - worked great.  Lynn did some household bill paying - worked great.  Called about Momma and the new med seems to be working.  Things are falling into place.  So the time line as it sits right now (and it has been changing almost daily - LOL) is my last day of work on the 28th - fly to Fontana on the 30th to start school on the 31st. 

Its a weird feeling to have that 'line' in the sand... almost like having a surgery date - LOL!  The same 'this is it' feeling.  The surgery also was a leap of faith - and has done us well.  I think this will too... I'm not saying its easy.  Giving up/away all the 'things' that have been collected. What others look at and say 'you have done well in this life'.  Like a house and vehicles and 'stuff'.  This also is a blessing of sorts.  We always knew that 'sometime' Lynn would 'get' the house... well now we are alive to see her and hers enjoy it.  THAT is worth quite a bit right there.  To watch her today, at the desk, actually filing the bills away... I never thought she would grow up and get organized!!  How I pulled my hair out when she would 'overdraw' herself!! I would get after her to keep an eye on it - use Quicken or something like that to keep track of things.  There she was doing it :) my little girl has grown up <sniffle>.  I am so proud of her!! 

Gary was lucky enough to get a trainer right off the bat.  On a forum that we are on - there are folks just waiting for a trainer.  Now there were some drivers at the terminal waiting after their training for trucks... since Christmas... THAT'S a bit scary.  Figure though - he might have to wait, but I won't have to - he will already have it!!  LOL - well at least that's the plan (que God and laughter here)...

Letting go... yeah I've had to do that recently.  Things as well as people.  Such as the little one I watch and his family. I have been with them for 12 years!! That is a LONG time.  They are like family to me too.  Also activities - my business - support groups.  Well those have been put on hold I guess... and people I can still keep in touch with - its just not quite the same. 

All in all though - I am looking forward to this new 'adventure'... on the forum we are participating in we have a thread 'the Adventures of Team Klingon' - and that's what this will be - an adventure!!  I know there will be times when I'm smacking myself (and Klingon) wondering WHY IN THE HELL DID WE DO THIS - and then there will be other times when I realise - yes... THIS is why we did this!!  I'm looking forward to those times :D

Another day down...

It was weird coming home last night - no one was there... tonight will be better - the kids brought their bed stuff and have 'moved in' - well they have started at least.  They will be sleeping there - LOL!

So we are still on track for me starting school February 1st. 

Momma went to the doc today to check out her arm. There is new bone present and it isn't displaced from the last xray - so all is good there.  We are also trying out a new med to see if that helps with her 'anxiety'.  She doesn't do well when there are changes in her routine - or any changes in atmosphere.  So we are trying medication to 'take the edge' off - and see if that helps WITHOUT making her SO out of it that it would make matters worse.  Its a fine line - and medicine isn't an exact science.  Getting her settled and making sure everything is set for her is the ONLY thing I can see that might delay my schooling.  I will not leave this on Lynn/Morgan/Rene's shoulders.  I don't think Gary would want me too either, even if it meant me not teaming with him as soon as planned.

The business is taking a bit of a back seat I'm afraid.  1) I'm just not able to promote it.  2) I was so late with a shipment - I did overnight service.  Yeah THAT cost more than what the customer paid TOTAL!! 3) I have been SO busy getting the kids moved in/Gary off to training/making sure Momma is set - adding one more thing (the business) just isn't possible.  I'm meeting w/someone to go over my 'volunteer' stuff - and STILL need to go to the bank to get signature cards for Convention!!  ARG!

It is good though to stay buzy - I just hope I can get everything straighten/ready for when I do leave.  That there won't be a BIG thing I've forgotten. I will cross that bridge when I come to it though (another one of my Dad's sayings!!)

Well I'm at work now - I sure will miss the people here too.  I've been here for 13 YEARS!!  I've watched this family grow up.  The little one - I occasionally let his Mom take care of him - LOL!  Sigh... life does move on.

Funny thing about all of this - Lynn would 'joke' with us about taking care of 'her' house, since it would be her's some day - well its going to be - LOL!  The nice thing is - we are alive to see her (and her new family) enjoy it!! That is a GREAT thing!!

Walls

This has been such an emotional time (for the whole family, not just me) and for the most part my 'walls' have been intact.  Its a defense mechanism that I inherited from my childhood - I can place walls around things in my mind. (not always a good thing) Such as emotions and fears.  It helps me remain distanced from the situation and 'functional'.  Last night one of my walls crumbled - I was at the new home we were vetting for Momma and I was discribing one of the times Momma became 'agitated' - it was my fault because I was impatient with her - anyway - I almost lost it while I was talking about it.  You know when the wall crumbles it is really hard to build it back up again.  Another chink came out of the wall came today - we took Momma to the home we are hoping she is going to - and to watch her there with the other LOL (Little Ol' Ladies) and interact and feel comfortable enough to doze in her chair - it did a heart good!! At the same time though - there is a feeling that we are abandoning her... In my head I know we aren't - in my heart though I hear the echo of the promises made that "we will always take care of you - you will always be 'HOME'".  Sigh - I have to keep in my mind the picture she made talking and interacting with the other ladies and remember that she didn't have that at 'HOME'.  I have to remember she is in a place that will take good care of her and that there are two people that will be making sure of that since we won't be close by!! 

I'm afraid I haven't done as much with the business during all of this.  For that I appoligize.  I know folks understand, but I still feel bad.  Once things 'settle' a bit, we will get into a new routine.  So hang on - we aren't going anywhere (well the business isn't that is - LOL)

Things be changing....

Case in point - the name of the blog.  I took out the 'Bariatrics' because even though I will still be in business for some products I won't be 'expanding' for a while... I'm going to maintain what I have and the services I have (delivery) and will be getting use to doing that from the road and having the kids help locally. 

I'm also 'letting go'... its a nice/scary feeling.  Letting go of what??  Possessions that is.  When I'm looking at what I want to keep I start thinking 'will I want that in my room' (Momma's old room) and do I want to hang onto it for a couple years for when Gary and I aren't long hauling anymore... but I'm expecting to do this for 10+ years or so.  So I'm becoming 'detached'.  Its hard to decide which momento I want to hang onto, because there are so many 'things' we have hung onto. I also don't know what type of stuff the kids will want to use/keep - but I'm going to leave that up to them... figure we are as far away as a phone call and email - its not like we are dying!! 

One thing that is going to be hard - if/when Lynn and Morgan have kids - I will be on the road.  I want to be here for them.  I want to be able to hold my grandchild BEFORE they learn to hold their head up - I want to smell that newborn hair smell - and I want them to burp all over me <mushy stuff I know> but that goes with burping them and having them fall asleep on you... such a trusting/calm/loving/protective time - sigh - <saying in a granny voice> I remember when Lynn was that age!!!

So that is what is happening in my life right now - just got back from a Support Group.  One I can attend because they are on the weekend.  I will miss the face to face support - I have enjoyed that. Maybe when we are on the road - we might be able to meet up with other folks and have a 'rolling' support system - that would be way cool!!

Blessings and Challenges

THE BLESSINGS

This is almost like a reverse dasha vue (or however you spell it)... about 1987ish Momma refinanced her house (we took over payments and moved in) and bought a motor home to go 'traveling' in. Which she did for a couple years - more like 2 long trips... then with the price of gas etc she decided to park it - and it became her home.  She parked it in the 'driveway' and it stayed there ever since.  Until today that is.  Today that motor home is no longer on the property!! Today reminded me so much of when we moved into Momma's house.  Lynn and Morgan are going to be moving into 'our house' and making it their own.  Its a happy and sad event.  Gary and I are going 'traveling' and the agreement is there will be a room for us when we decide to park the truck.  When we moved in - we filled 40 yard dumpsters FULL of stuff.  Today the yard looks totally different by the work and labor of the kids (they will always be kids to us) <3 WOW - what goes around comes around for sure.  This change in our lives will be as life changing as marriage (which has been a blessing - for I found my other half) and having a child (which is my other blessing and joy).  Yes a truck is a really small place - yes we will be moving almost continuously (7 days on for 1 day off); but we will be doing this together. 


THE CHALLENGES

One of the challenges will be giving up cooking on the road.  Sure I've heard of folks with a sm electric grill - but there isn't a whole lot you can do with those is there??  We will be living out of a truck - and truck stops.  This will make us get really creative to be able to eat healthy out there.  Also another challenge will be keeping track of the business and ordering supplies; basically letting go of some of the things I do and having someone else do them.  Then trusting them TO do them... so at this point - yes the business will stay in business.  I'm not joining Gary out on the road for at least 6 months. (health insurance has to kick in - then I have to be trained - and hopefully pass training!!) So there will be time to smooth out processes and train my local folk (my kids :) Also setting up paying bills and showing them the house maintainance stuff.  Stuff that I will need to 'let go'. Kinda hard to do - so I know I won't be perfect at it... but at least I will be away and not looking over their shoulders with the words 'you should have done <____>!!'

So anyway - back to reading a new forum - a truck driving forum - man to they talk a whole new language!!

Information overload and introducing the Bariatric Truckers :)

WOW my brain is fried!!  So much to do in so little time and details and tasks and time!!  So today Lynn and Morgan came over and Momma sat - we went to DMV and got my driving record. Over to the driving school/job recruiter and talked to her.  Then the most stressful part of the day - to a 'Skilled' facility to look at it for a possible place for Momma.  AH NO - can I just say at this point HELL NO.  I'm sure for the folk that need the place - its the perfect place for them, and it was clean, and the folks nice, but NO... she is not THAT bad yet.  So with Lynn helping me research/screen some numbers I finally talked to someone that didn't just refer me off to another number.  It appears to be an actual agency that helps folks in our possition find places for folks in Momma's possition... and they cover/deal with 4 different counties!  I told her we weren't choosy on the county - because we would not be available to visit that frequently anyway.  Since at this time I was TOTALLY stressed and was nearing my last straw (and near to tears) I think she could hear that in my voice... a lady will be coming out tomorrow to 'assess' Momma and we will go from there.

Business wise - this is what the plan is right now - the company PJ's is staying in business!!  We will stay 'on-line' and we will still have free local delivery (as well as shipping - LOL). It just won't be me making the delivery personally.  This business owner will be a Bariatric Trucker - LOL!

That seems to be the direction life is taking Gary and I right now.  This is 1) a dream we have had; that when we 'retire' in that mythical 'some day land'.  We would be truck drivers and see the US of A... well it seems like SOME DAY is coming to pass.  2) a way to save the house/property.  We weren't able to do it with Momma's income and my income alone and the job possibilites were not there in Sacramento for Gary.  Also with caring for Momma it seriously restricted what jobs and when Gary could even consider.  (I thank God that he placed me with whom I work right now... and that was 12+ years ago!  She/and the family have been wonderful and they are one of the things I will truly miss. I will visit though and there is always FaceBook - LOL) 3) Lynn and Morgan's lease on their apt is up really soon - they were trying to figure out which way to go next because their apt complex is - lets just say, not the best and leave it at that... plus with 2 dogs, places are hard to find.  I really think that this will work out all the way around.  It might have a rocky start - where we figure out where/what/when/who and stuff - but I think it will work... So the eventual plan (and with that word God starts laughing) is... Gary and I will be OTR (over the road) long haul team drivers - Momma will be cared for in a facility that will offer her socialization that we could not do and 24/7 care - Lynn and Morgan will have a house (with a room set aside for Gary and I when we are in town) to live in and our home will be cared for and will remain within the Johnson family!!  Win/Win/Win...

Boy when they said WLS was a journey - this is one road I didn't expect to go down!!  Speaking of down, I broke the 160# mark (159.6)... not intentionally though.  What with the stress, fever (which is getting better) and such - just haven't been 'hungry' - even at work which is really weird.  I usually tried to shove food in my face even when I'm not hungry and I'm not... <start Twilight Zone music here>

So now you are all caught up in what has been spinning my mind - and it has helped just putting in type... so I'll type more later :)

WLS popcicle ...

Yep that would be ME!!  The thermostate in the house says 72* but I think it lies!  I was even cold enough to have my lips turn blue and my fingers turning numb and tingling - LOL... I remember getting blue lips as a kid while swimming - "No Dad, I'm not cold" said through chattering teeth :)))) Before surgery I would have been toasty warm at 72*... now I have a  blanket and heating pad on.  Gary says 'turn the heat up' - well its a HUGE room.  I like to save $$ and electricity for a heating pad is WAY cheaper - LOL - I do take after my Dad.  I didn't appreciate it when I lived with him, but I do now.  Hopefully this popcicle stuff won't last for too long - either way the plan is NOT to gain the insulation back, so I best invest in some cute sweaters :D

Well the meeting yesterday is over with - but it sounds like a bunch of stuff came up today that would have landed on my shoulders if I was there.  I'm so glad I wasn't there!!  There was also an offer of another possision on the BOD... I'm going to have to pass on that.  When I say I'm going to do something I do everything I can to do it... (another thing my Dad taught me).  So if I said I would do it - I would put that above *me* and as my husband reminded me - I need to take care of *me*.  So sorry guys - gonna have to say NO.

Still no desktop computer - this is done on my laptop - so a bit of frustration.  I will need to figure out how to get my Quickbooks over here and then back again when things are up and running... but that is challenge for tomorrow.  Lynn is going up to Auburn for some stuff and I will be going with her in the morning... yep she still wants her Mom along for some stuff ((HUG)) makes me feel needed :) Well Gary has my tea ready and we are going to have some couch time <3 bye for now!!

Bah Humbug...

LOL - Oh it has been quite a day.  Gary has been working on getting all my info on a 'new' computer (well its not 'new' but its the one Momma used to play solitaire on it - so basically new) and it was all done - Woo Hoo!!  Then I got my hands on it - the only thing is all I did was replug in the wires and it won't boot up - GRRR! Not even rebooting is working - and of course we have had that computer long enough that we can't find the CPR disc... sigh... we can order another one that will be about $30 and with shipping - sigh... yeah I'm sighing a lot - LOL!  So with that and Momma... it was like she knew I wasn't in the best of moods - every button was being pushed; or at least it seemed that way.  You know when you're frustrated even a rose can be a weed to you. (do you like my analogy? Well it made sense in my mind.)  So now I'm at work thinking ahead to tomorrow.  I am SO glad I put in my resignation - the petty bickering, one-upsmanship and spiteful back stabbing - and all coming from a couple people.  I've done the job for six+ years now - I think its time.  Plus I have other things on my plate.  Now if it was a PAYING job - that would be a whole other bottle of sauce!! Well I'm hoping to get out of here soon, so I'm signing off - looking forward to Sunday, but not sure what we are going to do.  Daughter and her hubby are Momma sitting but with how tight $$ is right now; the question is, should we really spend it on a road trip?

Oh let me toss in a little bit about the business - I actually got a call from a 'Dr.' office/business that have their own line of stuff - they want me to try it and possibly sell it.  I haven't tried it yet - I did look them up on-line and I think (if I can remember correctly, because its not in front of my face right now) it is more of a diet thing - not really for bypass folk.  Sugars and stuff - but don't quote me - I will need to look again.  ANYWAY - I thought it was cool that they searched ME (well PJ's) out to possibly sell their product <grin>... also I'm suppose to be getting samples of some RTDs as well from another company.  They will have a local distributor (Sacramento area) so I can pick up directly from them and it won't cost me delivery charge!!  I hope they work out - and that they will be appropriate for us... I thin it will though; its a relatively well known name for proteins.  IF it works out - I'll let everyone know <grin> OK I'm grinning more now instead of sighing - Yep thinking about good things does improve the mood - need to do that more <note to self>  Well bye for now <waving>

Ruts...

Yep I fell into my old comfortable rut today... I tried a couple times to steer my way out of it, but slipped right back in - sigh...

So I'm at work now - in another one of my ruts - LOL!  This one I get paid for though :)  Business is slow - but then I haven't been able to really go out an push 'myself' - not quite sure how, beside just going to support meetings and having a presence on-line... putting myself out there in cyber-land is a scary thing though.  One its a new process and learning curve and I just haven't had the time to sit down and figure it out.  (excuse #1) I just can't seem to get motivated - even typing out this much tonight has been an on/off process... my mind is just scattered and doesn't want to stay on track.  I have days like that - where I just feel 'fuzzy' and 'disconnected' - really hard to describe.  I think a big part of it is stress... and not wanting to face 'life' right now.  So I've been jumping from one thing to another and NOTHING gets done... sigh... I'm going to stop typing now and delve into some HULU and try to chart.  Thank goodness THAT is done by route - nothing really changes and I could almost do it blind folded - LOL - but then I would write outside of the lines :^/

WOW - Shocker!!

Wow - shocker - there are good people in the world!!  OK, so not too much of a shock there - but here is the story:

I made a sale of several cases of RTD protein. A check was written and I deposited it via on-line scanner (neat thing - don't even have to leave home!! Wish I had remembered that later..) I didn't notice until reconciling my account that the full handwritten amount wasn't written down, so the check didn't clear.  Standard practice - no problem except that I was going to use that $$ to order more product.  Basically right now - when I sell anything - I have to turn around and order what I just sold.  I just don't/didn't have the capitol to put into a 'stock' of merchandise for it to just sit there. (although some has - I guessed wrong on what would sell - but hey I'm buying it from myself :) Now to return to the story - - - I contacted the person and they sent out a replacement check right away. (Another example of great people) Well I didn't deposit it from home like the other - I had it in my wallet to deposit later at the bank (I wanted it to be available right away - no pending) That was last Sunday - when Lynn and Morgan watched my MIL so Gary and I could get away for the day.  Well I decided I would deposit it when we got back - so I still had it in my wallet when we visited the wharf in SF... well when I took my wallet out to pay for the fried calamari - you got it - I lost the check!!  It was windy and there it went... GRRR!!  I was SO ticked at myself... it was $200+ and that is a HUGE chunk of change for me right now.  So I called the person that sent the check - told them my story - apologising profusely for losing the check and could you please put a stop payment on it and take what ever the bank charges and a touch more out for all this hassle and send me a new one.  Well I haven't recieved that 'new one' yet, but what did I get in the mail today??? The check that I lost!!  WOW!! It was in an emvelope post marked in Oakland (tourist maybe? I seriously doubt it floated/flew to Oakland) with no return address.  So I can't even sent a THANK YOU!!  I am so impressed that someone would take the time to mail the check back to me... how cool is that?  Now I have a call out to the original check writer with the question - did you stop payment on that last check??  Oh my - what a comedy of errors, but WOW - THANK YOU to whom ever it was that mailed it back to me!!

My adventures

In the previous post I mentioned that I'm sick - yep - sneezing, stuffy/runny nose - no temp to speak of (thank goodness) so that rules out the flu - just a common cold.  Still miserable though... so I looked at Neti Pots and thought - mmm - maybe - then I got to the store and saw the cost $17... ok not so much, but when you don't have that in your account - its too much.  So I did a McGyver - LOL - improvised.  I had some normal saline packets for a nebulizer (breathing treatment machine Gary used to have to use) - and so I leaned my head over and used those... well when the nose is plugged - it will just run out the side I'm trying to fill = mess!!  However it did soften the plug stuff so I was able to clear it a bit... that was Saturday - did a repeat yesterday and this morning... I think it has helped some with the nose - however, I'm now getting into the aches... not sure if its cold related, or because I've been 'taking it easy' (being lazy)... so I think I will consider a REAL neti pot when $$ allows - it would provide a better seal instead of just dripping and making a mess - LOL! 

On Sunday we made a delivery - then continued on to SF.  Just Gary and I... such a nice treat.  Yeah I was sick, but I was just sitting in the truck.  We did have a basket of fried (yes fried) calamari at the wharf - but the treat and the day (even thought is was cold/windy/wet) was WONDERFUL!  Days like that help me remember what is important.  $$ is nice, but can't buy companionship/comfort/love... (sorry for the mushy stuff :)  We didn't take a map - so we also 'wandered' through SF for a while (in the truck - to cold and wet to walk) seeing the sights... we haven't done that for a while.  Just taken off and gone driving.  Yep Sunday was a good day - oh and what about Momma??  Lynn & Morgan stayed with her.  They were bored out of their minds - I'm sure - but we so greatly appreciate them doing that for us... plus Lynn made up some mini pumpkin pie things - using a fresh pumpkin!!  YUM!!

Made another delivery today and have another tomorrow - Woo Hoo!!  Slow and steady wins the race... <big grin>  Well I'm at work (my paying job) so I guess I better start getting to the paperwork - bye for now <waving>

Life - TMI - Stuff

Well as an update to what is happening in my life... not a whole lot - LOL!  Weight wise - I'm still holding in the mid 160's... I'm happy there.  I would like to have a better pooping schedule (yeah TMI for some) but I'm still working on balancing fluids/fiber and I really think my TOM/hormones play a big part in it.  Speaking of TMI and TOM - I have a feeling I'm heading to the 'change' - no TOM for the last couple months.  Also NO I'm not pregnant - LOL!

Hosted the 'Gather' last weekend - smaller than I expected - WAY smaller - LOL - but with the economy, traveling and I just haven't been putting in too much of a presence on the forums recently.  Those that came though - I'm REALLY am glad you made it!! (even those that came on Friday and Sunday - LOL) I enjoyed the food and friendship and look forward to getting together outside of a 'gather'.

Still needing prayers though - Gary has been working SO hard... but it takes time to put in bids and WAIT for answers... the waiting SUCKS!!  Bureaucracy works SLOWLY though... and in triplicate - LOL!!  We are also waiting for Momma's social worker to contact us - again that is a wait - 3 to 4 month wait!!  Grrrr!!  So at this point I'm looking around  the house and property thinking - Mmmm I wonder if we could sell that? How much would we get? Would it be worth it?  Would we regret it? If we don't - would we regret it more?  This is where the trust in God comes in - that he will 'provide' - not by gifting it (such as a lottery ticket - although I wouldn't toss it away - LOL) but by giving us ideas of the direction we need to go... such as the businesses.  Providing us with opportunities to provide for ourselves.  Directing our thoughts (if we listen)... I must admit - that is one thing I do miss... going to church.  (there is no way we could take Momma - and I would want to go w/Gary) Not so much the church we use to go to - but the reading and contemplation of the Bible and the words within.  I guess more of a Bible Study w/communion :) I don't seem to do well studying on my own - there is always 'other' things I find myself doing... Maybe I need to start putting THAT first - or at least try it for a while.

Should I - or Shouldn't I - that is a question....

As I'm researching all these support groups - I'm seeing the different formats that are used by the 'moderators'... all have their points and are pretty good... I wondering if I should try to start a support group. Would people come? Would I be able to 'support' folks? Do I (at 18 months out) have enough 'experience' at this WLS stuff to be able to give good support? I would like to consider myself as sort of successful at being a WLS patient... I mean I'm at 'goal' - but I still have some 'issues' I have to work on myself.  IF I did a support group - where to have it? Not at my house - too much w/Momma there - I would love it if Gary could be there too, but he can't even make the ones I go to now - (Momma sitting) - sigh... Now we already go for breakfast once a month - we could just do one there - an informal one (would sort of have to be since Momma would be there with us) - where we take up the back area and we just get together and 'share' our journeys... that sounds like it might be do able... and maybe a place to start. LOL - thanks for listening/reading my scattered thoughts on this... we'll see what happens :)

Day Off

Today has been a nice day off - went shopping (grocery) and actually used coupons for the first time - saved some and will probably become one of 'those' coupon junkies - LOL - so did up a HUGE pot of stew - it should last for several days, but I will probably freeze some in individual servings.  Also got some chicken for 0.77 cents a pound - cooked a bunch up - so that will be used sometime during the week... We also are watching the Grandpuppies today - letting Daughter & Husband have a day off on their own -not having to worry about 'the kids'... they have been good puppies today :)

Saturday should be fun - hosting the N.CA Gather... I'm not sure just how many will show up... and hey if you are in the Sacramento area not doing anything else, come on by :) It started out as just one forum get together, but I put it up on FB because I didn't get much response on that forum so I opened it up... we'll see how it goes.  We also do a breakfast once a month - the second Saturday... that is also open for any one that wants to swing by.

Anyway to get back to today - so after cooking and spending time w/Gary - checking e-mail etc and Woo Hoo - got an order from someone at the Support Group meeting yesterday!!  So out I went and made a delivery - LOVE IT!!  Now Momma is all ready for bed - we are watching Babalon 5 DVDs and counting down until she goes to bed and we can be 'alone'... well we will still have puppies - not sure when they will get picked up - LOL!  (amended - they're picked up and the kids had a great day)

Tomorrow I'm going to a MeetUp - that should be interesting... sounds like it is a new group. Maybe there will be another customer there - here's hoping!!

OH I also caught up with another side of the Johnson family!!  FB is such a wonderful tool.  Now to meet up with them and catch up on years worth of 'what happened in your life?'  I can't wait.,.

Support Meeting

I went to another support meeting - I had gone once before 2 months ago when I JUST started my business... larger group of folk and quite a few bandsters - which is cool!  I did a protein tasting which seemed to stir some interest and it was fun to share.  I'm really liking this person to person stuff - which is a good thing right?  I just wish I could spend more time with Gary - or that he can come with me - to be able to 1) get some support outside of me and 2) get to share the male point of view.  There were a couple guys there - which is really nice to see - but I've noticed that support groups (either cyber or in person) tend to be mostly female.  I don't know if more females than males are getting surgery - just thought that was interesting.  Well I'm at my paying job right now - so I guess I should get to it - LOL!  Just thought I would jot down how it went... I think I will try to make this meeting one of the steady ones I go to - mostly because its on a Saturday and I don't have to take off work for it... :) but the people are pretty nice too.

Daddy, Momma and life...

I miss my Dad... woke up this morning and when I came into the office Gary is listening to a post on Facebook - Dolly Parton's song about 'Daddy's Hands' (wonderful song)... well that got me to thinking just how much I miss him!!  What would he say about how I am doing now?  I think he would be happy for me that I have gotten healthy - and that's a good thing.  I would be able to ask him what I should do about our finances... not that he would give direct advice - but he had a way of steering your thinking by asking questions that made you figure out what you already knew you should do.  He also gave the best hugs!!  I miss my Daddy... now to pull up my big girl panties and get on with the rest of my day.

Doing a 12 hr shift today - LONG day!! I feel bad that Gary will have to cover Momma ALL day - it is SO wearing.  She just sucks the life right out of you.  Not anything that she purposely does (not with this disease).  Let me just say right here and now - Alzheimer Disease SUCKS!! Every now and again - she has a glimmer of awareness that her memory isn't really there - then she is gone again.  She is our 88 year old toddler - that can NOT be reasoned with.  Sigh... well got to go pack up my meals for the day - then finish Momma's laundry - then off to work. 

I'm going to a support group tomorrow too - I've gone to it before, so we will see... doing a 'protein tasting'... I didn't get any sales from the last one - nor from any that I've gone to yet... frustrating!!  I've got stuff together so that I can send out samples... we will see how that goes... bye for now...

New Support Group

I went to a new (sort of) support group tonight.  I went to this support group pre-op, but that was 18 months ago (or there abouts)... It was a pretty good support group.  Info from NAWLS (common mistakes made by WLS patients) was used (full credit given) and there was discussion about that info. There was one that came up - 'saying mean and hearless things to yourself' - there was one person that VEHEMENTLY disagreed with that.  They were like - I told myself I was fine and I got FAT, telling myself I'm a FAT PIG is getting me thinner... WOW - I so disagree with that!!  The way I feel is if I wouldn't tell (or call) a child/friend something - then why would I tell/call myself that?  You have to at least TRY to respect yourself as much as you would a friend.  The moderator of the group basicly stood aside and let the comment pass with a blase' 'if that is what works for you' <jaw hanging open!!> I had to put my two cents in - so I said how I felt and left it at that.  I didn't want to create a scene - but please!! I did this surgery to become healthier - not just physically, but mentally as well.  I KNOW I had problems with self esteem and how I pictured myself - I would feel worthless no matter WHAT any one else said - let alone what I told myself.  I feel bad, because how can could I teach my daughter self worth, if I didn't have any of my own?  I do thank God she has turned out as well as she has - and that is HER doing, not me. 

ANYWAY - there were a couple people that seemed supportive of a new business in Sacramento - and I am doing some research about protein for someone there - as well as for myself.  About the different TYPES of proteins.  Whey Isolate/Concentrate/Casine and Collogen - also egg and soy. So on the other page I put up some links to some sites I found with some interesting info. 

Well I'm home now - so I'm going to spend some couch time with the hubby - I really treasure the time when Momma is in bed and I can spend some AWAKE alone time with my husband. Bye for now...

Another Monday

Well I succeeded yesterday in staying out of the Cyber Vortex - LOL - I went through withdrawals, but I did it!!  I did find that I had munchy urges - not sure if that was because I wasn't getting the cyber fix or not - instead I mowed the front lawn - well I would have done it anyway, but the timing was when I was feeling munchy.  I also stayed away from the NSA ice cream (yeah me!!) I didn't stay away from my MIL eatable arraignment though (bad me)... those chocolate covered pieces of fruit called my name.  Strange how the sugar (because I seriously doubt they were SF) in the chocolate didn't drop my BS, but I grab some crackers and BOOM there it goes!! I'm still getting use to this new digestive system. So far though - I would do it again in a heart beat!!

I'm headed to a new support group meeting tonight.  Its sponsored by my surgeons office, so it should be interesting.  I was suppose to be sharing the time with a vitamin rep.  however he had to cancel due to <not sure exactly> I wasn't called by the organizer that my time was canceled so I'm still going. I'm going to be printing up 'introductory' letters and a before/after picture. (I'm going to try to post one at the end of this - first picture IN a blog posting)... I don't know if it does any good - but hey, I'm going to try.  I know my prices aren't SUPER low - so THAT doesn't bring people in.  So I'm trying to provide something else that is unique - FREE DELIVERY (to the greater Sacramento area) - I've been able to do that for a few - but it just doesn't seem to 'draw' the business - sigh... I know - patience Paula (God please grant me patience - and I want it RIGHT NOW!!)

Well Momma is up - eating breakfast.  She actually had a brief moment last night where she realized her memory just wasn't there.  It was a kind of sweet moment - one where I was able to let her know she was not alone, she had her family with her... that was nice.  So we will see what today brings - its a Monday and the beginning of a brand new week...

This is 'before' and was taken in 2003

This was in April 2010 - one year post-op

Glad I did it...

Well I'm glad I went.  Yes I went to the support group - Gary made me (ya' I'll blame it on him - love ya' Honey!) - but it was a good choice.  Not only did I get some face to face support (which is different than electronic support - which is what I usually get - and is good in its own way) but I have a new direction to look for customers and one of the ladies there said she was going to 'check out' my website.  I try not to get too excited about that - others have been ALL EXCITED and said YES YOU SHOULD GET THAT, I'LL ORDER IT FROM YOU... well I got it - its still in the store... I risked it though, because another actually followed through with the request... sigh... live and learn :) Another thing I learned - I need to remember what my prices are - LOL - you know how bad it looks that the OWNER of the store when asked can't tell you how much one bag of chips are or a tube of protein?  LOL - I felt like such a dweeb <laughing at self>

Oh and sleep is a miracle medication!! And a husband that says - go back to bed, I got this - is an ANGEL!! Its amazing how much sleep really seems to affect my outlook on life itself.  Not that any circumstances have changed - they haven't - but they don't feel as dire as when I don't have sleep.  That feels nice!!

I'm at the lowest weight I can remember - I'm sure I was around here in Jr. High - but I have no clue what number that is.  The Doc's goal for me was 180 - I was thinking 170 - I am now 162 - I still feel good, I feel healthy - so I'm not THAT concerned about being at this 'number' - I just don't want to get obsessed with getting lower and lower... I don't know how low is TOO low... I have such a hard time realizing what my REAL size is.  Body dismorphia I think its called... yeah I think I have some of that.  From what I've read though, its pretty common among everyone.  If you are fat, you don't realize just HOW fat you are, and if you are thin, you don't realize just HOW thin you are.  I still get amazed when I'm folding clothes and pick up my pants to put them away - "can I really FIT into these??" It still blows my mind!! 

Well enough for now - since Gary let me sleep in my usual morning routine is all catywompus and it's 11am now - got to leave for work at 2pm and all I've done so far is have my morning protein (2 scoops in some coffee) and jot down stuff in this new 'blog'. **cool thing about the BLOG - I even have 'followers' now!!  And folks have 'commented' - that means people have actually READ this :)** I'll be back later...