And time goes on...

Well we are now waiting - again - at a shippers for them to load us.  It seems to be part of 'the life' - waiting. Of course there are things I 'should' do while we wait - like clean/straighten out the truck... or deal with e-mails... then I would have to look at the bills, and that gets depressing - LOL - who likes to be depressed?? Mmmm - no one is raising their hands - including me :) So instead I pick up the computer, or I take a nap... great escapes - but doesn't get anything accomplished... sigh...

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving time - we have 10 days scheduled at home!!  Yeah - that will cost a chunk of change, but it is needed - in more ways than one! 

So far the 'winter' weather hasn't been too bad.  We were caught in one storm that closed the roads - made our load late and we lost a preset over it.  Other than that - just cold and windy - so we have been really lucky!  We are in Nebraska now and will be heading to Illinois... again, cold and windy - overcast with scattered sprinkles... however crossing Wyoming last night it was down to 12* - I think that is about the coldest I have been in so far... I'm sure though it will get colder : /

Well I guess I should deal with some e-mail - but will probably get side tracked by Facebook, TTR Forum or the bed... I will be driving when we leave, so that will be my excuse for napping - yeah, yeah - that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Oh I know what I didn't type about - my WLS and how that's going - guilty consious there I guess... we are out of calciums and I couldn't find the calcium citrate at Wally World - so we are being lax with that - also with just remembering to take our vits... and our protein supplements - yeah not so good there either.  Weight wise - I'm back to 'doctor's goal'... 180... not really happy about that, but have no one to blame but myself.  I tell myself "I will do better" and I do, for that hour or day - then back to where I'm struggling from now... the hand to mouth sydrome.  We have been cooking in the truck some though.  There are frozen omlets that we split and roll up in a tortilla to eat while we drive - or ham/cheese raps - we have been doing some carrots or sugar snap peas for snacks occasionally... not as often as we should though.  Its like I'm addicted to nuts - LOL - mmmm food addiction?? ME?? Yeah - me... sigh... Also I'm needing to cut back on the amount of coffee. We both have 52oz mugs - and they get fill once and most times twice per day - EACH!!  We are doing half decaf now - feeling better about that one.... So making steps back to the line we need to walk... I still would not change a thing about having the surgery though - it is still a blessing!! Now we just need to work at it like everyone else...

Mush Brain...

Man today my brain turned to mush - when I was able to work on my own, I did ok... it still took me a bit, but I got it... throw other folks in the mix - and with the distractions of some of the folks thinking this is all just one big joke - it was a bit of a frustrating experience. So right now I'm decompressing back in the motel... thinking of the mass of stuff I still need to shove in this little tiny brain of mine - scares the <_____> out of me... have you seen that list I'm going to have to memorize!!  Well its 7 pm... I can get in a couple hours of studying - or at least that's the plan right now - LOL!

On the WLS front - not eating/drinking like I did at home - things are slowing down and getting rock hard... I sure hope things start moving easier - this sucks!!

Head work...

I still have some 'head work' I need to do I think... tonight I am just wanting to eat!! Thank goodness I don't have access to a kitchen at work - I can only eat what I bring.  I seriously have some head hunger going on... why, I'm not sure - maybe stress (LOL - what stress - HA - I laugh in the face of stress!!  Bwahahaha!!) - maybe boredom - yeah I love the little one I watch, but it can get a bit boring - maybe an old habit (that isn't really THAT old)... I am just struggling with it a bit more tonight than usual.  And I'm craving foods I KNOW I shouldn't have!!  Sweet/Salty/Crunchy - Grrr... so instead I'm here - whining about it - and drinking a RTD chocolate protein... sigh - at least I'm getting some sweet...

How am I going to deal in a truck??  Talk about boredom - and the habit of munching while driving - I wonder how Gary is doing with it - or will I be SO tired after driving that all I will want to do is sleep?  That is a concern I have - maintaining a 'healthy' life style.  Ah well - I guess I should at least get out there first before I start stressing about it - LOL!  Just thinking about what I still need to do - and what I'm going to do - is stressful enough :)

Man this chocolate is hitting the spot - I needed that!!

Busy - Busy :)

WOW I feel accomplished today - LOTS done!!  Still a lot more to do, but that's OK. 

Its seems like Momma is settling in - or they are getting use to her - LOL!  Visited today without letting them know I was coming (that's the way we will probably do it most of the time) and she was in the chair with 2 other ladies - chocolate on her finger (probably her calcium chew) and petting the dog.  She seemed happy just chatting away.  She didn't know who I was but giggled when I gave her a hug and kiss on the forehead. 

Preparation continues for Lynn and Morgan to move into the house.  Fence is up and the 'boys' (2 dogs) will be coming over tomorrow to check for holes - LOL!  They will have about 1/2 acre to run on - so much nicer for them than a 2 bedroom apt :)

Gary is stressed about taking the permit test tomorrow.  I know he will do fine, but that's just him.  Then I guess they will get behind the wheel.  I can't wait until it's my turn!!  I"ve been trying to drive the pickup with an imaginary trailer behind it... squaring the corners and such - making sure that 'trailer' doesn't hit the curbs - LOL!

Also today I have really been concentrating on eating.  Even if I wasn't hungry I MADE the time to eat something before I came to work.  I had my 2 scoops in the AM.  Then for lunch I had a mini quiche my daughter made up... that was tasty!! Now here at work - 1 apple w/peanut butter - 3 string cheeses - and I have a small serving of meat loaf to go.  I purposely chose the peanut butter and the cheese because I know they are calorie rich foods.  So I figured that I would at least get calories - plus the cheese and peanut butter have 'some' protein... and the meat loaf is almost all protein - so I'm making sure I get that and my vits in FOR SURE!  Oh and lets not forget fluids!!  It was 'nicer' in a way when I didn't HAVE to think about what I ate.  Of course that is how I got to be 320# too.  So I guess I will take being uber aware of my intake to keep what I have lost - LOL - if that makes sense :)

WLS Stuff...

Well I hit an all time low (except when I was growing up) the scale read 155# this morning.  This is the lowest I have been since I have no idea when.  I haven't been trying to loose any more weight either.  I have been getting so busy and distracted that I have been forgetting to eat.  I have been reminding myself to get in my fluids - and I have been taking my vits - but taking the time to 'eat' is hard.  Then when I do take the time, its like things have shrunk back to almost an early post op status.  Got an Angus Chili from Smash Burger  and ate not even half of it and was full (yes I did have a few (6-7) fries off my daughter's plate)... then took it to work and still couldn't finish it.  Tried to increase the calorie count by having a string cheese as well.  I might just need to get some peanut butter and celery (or apple) and start snacking on that.  I do get my protein in though - minimum of 2 scoops - 46g - but if I'm not eating like I should, I should get in at least another scoop I think.  I've been feeling fine - tired some - but with everything thats going on - I would say that's normal - LOL!  I will miss my scale though when we get on the truck - and figure I don't need a truck scale to weigh myself anymore - LOL!

Thin person question...

And what is weird/wonderful is I can actually count myself as a 'thin' person right now :) Anyway... why is it when my core temp was 101.3 my hands were frozen and my lips blue?  (that's what was going on yesterday - when I wrote the blog entry - I hadn't checked my temp yet) That would mean my body was pulling blood from 'non essential' parts to keep my 'core' warm - and believe me it was warm enough!!  It took a blanket and an electric heating pad for me to stop shivering.  I know I'm a 'nurse' so I should have some basic idea - but I can't think of one.  So I thought I would ask all those 'thin' people out there what their experiences are - because I new at this 'thin' thing :^/

WLS popcicle ...

Yep that would be ME!!  The thermostate in the house says 72* but I think it lies!  I was even cold enough to have my lips turn blue and my fingers turning numb and tingling - LOL... I remember getting blue lips as a kid while swimming - "No Dad, I'm not cold" said through chattering teeth :)))) Before surgery I would have been toasty warm at 72*... now I have a  blanket and heating pad on.  Gary says 'turn the heat up' - well its a HUGE room.  I like to save $$ and electricity for a heating pad is WAY cheaper - LOL - I do take after my Dad.  I didn't appreciate it when I lived with him, but I do now.  Hopefully this popcicle stuff won't last for too long - either way the plan is NOT to gain the insulation back, so I best invest in some cute sweaters :D

Well the meeting yesterday is over with - but it sounds like a bunch of stuff came up today that would have landed on my shoulders if I was there.  I'm so glad I wasn't there!!  There was also an offer of another possision on the BOD... I'm going to have to pass on that.  When I say I'm going to do something I do everything I can to do it... (another thing my Dad taught me).  So if I said I would do it - I would put that above *me* and as my husband reminded me - I need to take care of *me*.  So sorry guys - gonna have to say NO.

Still no desktop computer - this is done on my laptop - so a bit of frustration.  I will need to figure out how to get my Quickbooks over here and then back again when things are up and running... but that is challenge for tomorrow.  Lynn is going up to Auburn for some stuff and I will be going with her in the morning... yep she still wants her Mom along for some stuff ((HUG)) makes me feel needed :) Well Gary has my tea ready and we are going to have some couch time <3 bye for now!!

Milk and Support

I think I might be becoming lactose intolerant.  I had heard that is was a possibility.  When I was fresh out, I would have milk in my protein drinks and had no problems with them.  Then when reading on a forum I was faithful to, folks were saying 'un-needed' calories in milk - don't use milk, use water!!  So I followed what they suggested, and I got use to using water in my protein drinks.  They weren't as thick - but I got use to them.  So flash forward to today.  I didn't have my usual protein coffee for breakfast, because it was our 'monthly breakfast' that we do every month...

Breaking off to tell you about the monthly breakfast - it use to be a Club Meeting for our 4 wheel drive club (California Trail Runners) but with 'life' intruding the membership is now - to say the least - minimal.  So we decided to open up the 'breakfast' to anyone that would like to join us.  So consider this an open invitation to anyone who reads this to join us on the 2nd Saturday of the month - 9 am - Mel's Diner. 

Back to what I was saying - - - instead I split an omelet with Gary.  After getting home I scooted off to a support meeting and didn't get home until about 3 pm.  All I had since breakfast was water.  THEN we went out to the front of the house and did some serious weeding in the front ditch and cleaning out the culvert under the driveway (preparing for winter) - still no protein drink.  (slapping myself on the back of my hand - I know better!!) So when I came inside to start fixing dinner (about 4:30 ish) I decided the milk in the protein drink (since I hadn't had one yet today) wouldn't hurt me - WRONG!!  No 'dumping' or dropping in BS, but I had pain in my pouch - and what feels like some bloating - uhggg.  I really don't drink milk any more and then to have > 8oz at one time - yeah, not going to do that again soon.

So some thoughts about what the RD was talking about at the Support Meeting today.  She brought up some good points - especially with the holidays coming up.  Think ahead - plan - have some strategies in place.  What am I talking about?  Well if you know you are going to a party - and that there is a good possibility there won't be any foods that you can (should) eat - then bring a dish with you.  OR have something BEFORE you go.  If you go without eating or bringing something with you - you will run the risk of eating something that won't agree with your new plumbing.  Nothing worse than spending a Holiday Party in the potty!!  Also with the craziness of the Holiday's and shopping and time commitments - make sure you bring a little something in your car or purse 'just in case' - such as a small package of nuts or a protien bar.  That way you won't be tempted to 'just pick up something' a the nearest Fast Food place. It was common sense type stuff - but things I would never have thought about BEFORE surgery, but need to now.  I might do a post a little more in depth later... just like I still want to do a 'presentation' about the importance of protein. We tend to forget that - and let our selves fall back into old eating patterns after a while.  Forgetting just how important that protien is to us... especially if you have had a malabsorptive procedure done.  Or have any type of wound/surgery that you are healing from.  More on that later :)

Anyway - it is Saturday - and its been a relatively busy and productive day - but I'm signing off now and I'm going to spend some quality couch time with my husband. With him doing work in the mornings (me watching Momma) and me going to work in the evenings (and him watching Momma) - we really don't get to much 'quality' time together - so bye for now <waving>

Bariatrics

bar·i·at·rics[bar-ee-a-triks]

–noun ( used with a singular verb )

a branch of medicine that deals with the control and treatment of obesity and allied diseases.

You know - it was kinda embarrassing yesterday - I was talking to a bank manager while we were working on some of my volunteer stuff and I mentioned my business PJ's Bariatrics... she asked - what is bariatrics - I just kind of sat there with my mouth open... how do you describe it - its a type of surgery? Its what I had done?  I was at a total loss for words - LOL - 'I' knew what it was, but I couldn't tell someone else what it was... so for anyone else that needs to tell someone just what 'bariatrics' is - above is the official definition per www.dictionary.com

Lifestyle

I have been reading posts and links that folks put up on Facebook - and I really need to read them more closely, but one thing they have in common - they all mention that you have to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE to maintain the weight loss... what do they mean about lifestyle... the car you drive?  Where you live? What clothes you wear? Well those will change a bit - to a smaller size, but you get the idea.  The lifestyle they are talking about is how you approach and deal with... wait for it... FOOD!!  Yep - THAT is the lifestyle that everyone is talking about. (there is also exercise, but I can't talk about that one - I don't 'exercise', but I do 'move' more now than I did) I am so working on my 'lifestyle'... having the surgery has helped, but the hard work is just beginning.  I've lost the weight I wanted to loose (thank you Lord), but now comes the work on the head - so I don't turn to food for comfort.  That is a change in my lifestyle. I also need to not turn to food out of boredom, another change.  Or how about turning to food in times of stress, depression, celebration - yep that is another change in lifestyle.  All my life up to this point (well April of last year actually) I would (and could) turn to food for distraction, comfort and celebration (I can still celebrate w/food - just changing the type and amount of food).  Now I'm learning a new lifestyle - to DO something if I'm bored.  To pamper myself if I'm depressed.  To concentrate on what I'm celebrating INSTEAD of the food I'm celebrating with.  ALL of those things are different for me - a change in my lifestyle.  Now this isn't saying that I don't fall back into my old ways at times - I do - but my old lifestyle would have been to give up and say 'ah to hell with it' - now my new lifestyle is 'pick your ass up and try again!'... so far so good :)

Cobwebs...

Ahhhh - I feel so much better :) It is so amazing to me how even a short ride will help clear out some of the cobwebs.  Its almost a 'ZEN' feeling when riding.  I'm just riding to work, but in that short 20-30 minutes I don't concentrate on anything else BUT riding.  No worries about $$ or computers or 'to do' lists - just riding!!  There is a vibration and humming - then the feeling of the wind - ahhhh.  Words just don't do it justice - LOL!  An old saying - only a biker knows why a dog hangs his head out a window - yeah, I get it!

I hadn't been riding because I actually had a cold last week... I wanted to make sure I was completely over that because without my fa 'insulation' it gets downright cold at times on the way home.  LAYERS and wind proofing are the keys though.  I feel like the Michelin Man with all my gear on.  The layers consist of a head cover/face mask, helmet - then moving down a shirt, fleece, jacket and a windbreaker - legs get tights, pants and chaps - feet are socks and shoes (hope to get some boots someday soon).  Oh and gloves - LOL!!

I remember one of my favorite NSV (non scale victory) was when I was wondering what was going on with my bike!?! I had 100 miles on it and I wasn't having to switch over to the researve tank yet... when it finally dawned on me, it wasn't anything to do with the bike - it was ME that had changed!!  I had lost about 100# at that time - so the bike was getting better gas mileage not having to haul that extra 100# around.  I was stopped at a light and let out a squeal - now remember if I biker says anything out loud, folks can hear it - there are no windows - so I got a few funny looks, but I didn't care - it was a GREAT NSV!!

Depression and Vitamin Deficiencies

HERE is a link to where I got my info - I also posted it on my WLS links page.

Reading this it makes me wonder if that is what is causing some of my occasional 'depression'.  Maybe not, because its not a consistent 'depression', but more cyclical (hormones?) - but they might play a part in it.  I've contacted my PCP to see if she could order our labs for us.  Our new insurance doesn't recognize WLS - plus its a 'prior' condition - so no coverage - Grrr!!  THANK GOD (knocking on anything handy) we haven't had any complications NEEDING a doctor re: our WLS... but that also means no rechecks with our surgeon.  I'm not too broken up about that though - we haven't see 'her' since our one week post op.  Its always been someone else in her office - its just the labs really - so if I can get the request from the PCP (and not referencing that its for WLS lab check up) that would be WONDERFUL!!

Unconscious Munchies

Why is it I sit at the desk at work - I know I'm not 'hungry' - I have a drink (ice tea) in front of me - yet I feel the need to grab for my lunch box and find something SOLID.  I know I can't have anything to drink after eating, and I know I haven't had enough fluid this morning, so why to I reach for it... mmmm... habit?  Yeah - that could be one of the reasons.  My 'work' is in a 12x12 room watching a little one (been with him for 11+ years - not quite so little any more :) and besides reading (and now computer stuff) and the obligatory paperwork,  there isn't too much to do. So I ate.  Sedentary job + unconsciously shoveling food in my mouth = morbidly obese ... yep that WAS me.  I don't want to be able to say that IS me, so instead I'm 'blogging' about it - LOL!  Why not - I've been trying to think about what and where I want this 'blog' to go... I don't know that it will 'GO' anywhere.  I'm going to take a comment that was written to heart and just basically make this a 'journal' of sorts.  A place to put thoughts and musings - hence the name I guess "Scattered Thoughts".  There won't be any particular focus - at least not intentionally - and I will try not to whine too much - LOL!  That won't be easy - it seems like I want to 'vent' and it comes out as a whine. 

One thing I haven't been doing recently is visiting the forums like I use to.  When I first thought about WLS, I started looking into the forums.  I found one (it was listed on a paper handed out my my surgeon's office) and it was (and still is) confusing to navigate around and keep track of posts and messages.  Its a popular forum though and there are LOTS of info... it didn't seem to have any moderators though - there was some bashing that I read and that kinda turned me off from them... I found another one that I could navigate around in and there was a way to track what I posted and where I posted and would even let me know about replies... OK - I liked that one... however there was a distinct focus on it - and I can understand why - it is sponsored by a business.  The info was good though - and there are some really good folks there.  That's where I stayed for quite a while.  I got to know the folks cyber wise and even hosted a couple 'gathers' so we could meet in person.  Then I started branching out - I found another forum that had just as good information - it wasn't slanted toward 'the business' - and wasn't as narrow in their out look.  I also found one that was very small - (not a bunch of active members) - and that was nice as well. 

So where is this story going?? I'm not really sure... just something I've noticed.  I have been spending much more time on FaceBook... supporting and reading there than any of the forums.  I go back now to read on the forums - but I almost feel disconnected from them.  There are so many new people - and I  - I don't know - just don't feel like 'talking' on them.  I should though - I have a business that I'm trying to build.  To do that I need to 'network'...  I just don't want'ta **said in a whiny voice**  Maybe because I was looking at it as work - instead of just enjoying giving and receiving the support.  Almost like I was starting to look at this 'blog' - work - and work is a four letter word.  Soooo I think I will quit beating myself up about not being on the forums like I use to - and start just 'enjoying' what ever time I do spend on them... maybe post... maybe not... but stop making it into a job. 

Well I distracted myself away from the 'munchies' so that goal has been achieved - LOL - now to go get another glass of iced tea...

My first since surgery

My first what you might ask - my first cold!  ARG!!  Sneezing/runny nose/starting to get stuffed up - yeah starting to feel yucky.  However - I have notice this is the first one since surgery... OMG - I use to get a cold about every 4-6 months and its been 18 months!!  How amazing is that?  Now I don't know if its because I've lost weight, or I'm now religiously taking vitamins.  Maybe its because I'm eating more nutritious foods instead of quantities of foods.  I must admit that my mind is fuzzy and I'm not going to 'lyrically wax on' about the mysteries of my health... just thought it was a wonderful side effect of surgery - IF that's what it is.  Now I'm going to make it though this shift at work - and take some meds when I get home because wouldn't you know it - I have plans tomorrow (on my day off) and I don't want to be sick - LOL!

Should I - or Shouldn't I - that is a question....

As I'm researching all these support groups - I'm seeing the different formats that are used by the 'moderators'... all have their points and are pretty good... I wondering if I should try to start a support group. Would people come? Would I be able to 'support' folks? Do I (at 18 months out) have enough 'experience' at this WLS stuff to be able to give good support? I would like to consider myself as sort of successful at being a WLS patient... I mean I'm at 'goal' - but I still have some 'issues' I have to work on myself.  IF I did a support group - where to have it? Not at my house - too much w/Momma there - I would love it if Gary could be there too, but he can't even make the ones I go to now - (Momma sitting) - sigh... Now we already go for breakfast once a month - we could just do one there - an informal one (would sort of have to be since Momma would be there with us) - where we take up the back area and we just get together and 'share' our journeys... that sounds like it might be do able... and maybe a place to start. LOL - thanks for listening/reading my scattered thoughts on this... we'll see what happens :)

Tuesday morning weigh in

Don't let the title fool you - I'm a scale hoe.  I still weigh every day, sometimes two to three times a day - depending on if I had a good poop or not - LOL!  I tend to not let it bother me, because I KNOW that there are fluctuations and I have watched the scale bounce around with them.  I am just curious - if/when I eat out of plan (like just recently I attacked Momma's eatable arrangement - chocolate covered at that) I didn't 'gain'... now that its been 3-4 days, I have 'gained' 4-5 pounds.  Now I'm curious - is that 'fat'?  Did the possible 1000 cal of chocolate over 2-3 days put those 4-5 pounds on? Or is it 'water' weight? There was a detailed description as to the breakdown on glucose/glycogen etc. that I will find and post - excellent description.  So is it that process, but in reverse?  Or it could be 'that time of the month' - SO CONFUSING!!  Now you know why I don't let specific numbers freak me out TOO much.  I do find though that when the numbers are heading to my 'line in the sand' - which for me right now is 170 - I REALLY start to watch what I put in my mouth!! I go back to my protein drinks and SOLID protein meals - yes that means chicken, sliced deli meats, things that I know sit heavy in my pouch... I actually have to purposely aim for those foods.  I find that I lean towards the easier foods for my pouch - cottage cheese, soft saucy things - who likes that 'heavy' feeling after a couple bites - I LIKE to eat - and solid proteins don't let me eat that much - but that is the point isn't it - LOL!  So I'm back (at least today) on the solid stuff... the few pounds might just be TOM water weight - but I'm heading back to that line in the sand and I REFUSE to step over it!!


Found what I copy and pasted on FACEBOOK... here is that info:

Copy and Pasted - info from Baka in a thread on BTV - excellent discription of the process of those WTF moments our bodies do.

***Pull back from your ‘daily’ charting, and look at a weekly or even monthly. There are up and down spikes each day, But if you ‘graph’ the highest to the lowest, I’d bet there is still A downward slope over the course of the month.

There’s an 8 to 10lb. volume of "wiggle room" due to water alone. And it comes into play a lot. This has to do with our bodies using glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, But it is stored in our muscles for quick energy – One pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs of water to keep it soluble, And the average glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs.

So, when you are not getting in enough food, (Like when you drop down to your calorie intake) Your body turns first to stored glycogen, Which is easy to break down for energy. And when you use up 2 lbs of glycogen, You also lose 8 lbs of water that was used to store it Voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs that most people lose in the first week of any diet.

As you stay in caloric deficit, however, Your body starts to ‘realize’ that this is not a short term problem.

You start mobilizing fat from your adipose tissue And burning fat for energy. But your body also ‘realizes’---- (by way of your liver releasing hormones signaling low Cal intake) ---That fat can't be used for short bursts of energy – Like, to outrun a saber-tooth tiger. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, And rebuilding the glycogen stores.

And as it puts back the 2 lbs of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though you might still be LOSING energy content to your body, (Thus showing negative Calorie load overall) Your weight will not go down or you might even GAIN for a while As you retain water to dissolve the glycogen that is being reformed and stored. Yes? The whole ‘weight-loss’ process is not a straight "Slide" down the scale. More like "Stair-Steps," (Down then forward, then down, then forward, etc... As your body cycles fat out of "deep storage" and through the Liver Into the muscles as Glycogen.

The muscles and Liver can hold about a 3 weeks supply. This is why many people find that their "Stall" or "Plateau" Breaks when adding a bit of exercise And upping their water intake, or in the case of an "extreme exerciser," The total Calorie or Protein Intake, To signal the liver to let go of more Glycogen.

Hope this helps some. You are doing Great! Keep it Up***