And time goes on...

Well we are now waiting - again - at a shippers for them to load us.  It seems to be part of 'the life' - waiting. Of course there are things I 'should' do while we wait - like clean/straighten out the truck... or deal with e-mails... then I would have to look at the bills, and that gets depressing - LOL - who likes to be depressed?? Mmmm - no one is raising their hands - including me :) So instead I pick up the computer, or I take a nap... great escapes - but doesn't get anything accomplished... sigh...

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving time - we have 10 days scheduled at home!!  Yeah - that will cost a chunk of change, but it is needed - in more ways than one! 

So far the 'winter' weather hasn't been too bad.  We were caught in one storm that closed the roads - made our load late and we lost a preset over it.  Other than that - just cold and windy - so we have been really lucky!  We are in Nebraska now and will be heading to Illinois... again, cold and windy - overcast with scattered sprinkles... however crossing Wyoming last night it was down to 12* - I think that is about the coldest I have been in so far... I'm sure though it will get colder : /

Well I guess I should deal with some e-mail - but will probably get side tracked by Facebook, TTR Forum or the bed... I will be driving when we leave, so that will be my excuse for napping - yeah, yeah - that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Oh I know what I didn't type about - my WLS and how that's going - guilty consious there I guess... we are out of calciums and I couldn't find the calcium citrate at Wally World - so we are being lax with that - also with just remembering to take our vits... and our protein supplements - yeah not so good there either.  Weight wise - I'm back to 'doctor's goal'... 180... not really happy about that, but have no one to blame but myself.  I tell myself "I will do better" and I do, for that hour or day - then back to where I'm struggling from now... the hand to mouth sydrome.  We have been cooking in the truck some though.  There are frozen omlets that we split and roll up in a tortilla to eat while we drive - or ham/cheese raps - we have been doing some carrots or sugar snap peas for snacks occasionally... not as often as we should though.  Its like I'm addicted to nuts - LOL - mmmm food addiction?? ME?? Yeah - me... sigh... Also I'm needing to cut back on the amount of coffee. We both have 52oz mugs - and they get fill once and most times twice per day - EACH!!  We are doing half decaf now - feeling better about that one.... So making steps back to the line we need to walk... I still would not change a thing about having the surgery though - it is still a blessing!! Now we just need to work at it like everyone else...

WLS Stuff...

Well I hit an all time low (except when I was growing up) the scale read 155# this morning.  This is the lowest I have been since I have no idea when.  I haven't been trying to loose any more weight either.  I have been getting so busy and distracted that I have been forgetting to eat.  I have been reminding myself to get in my fluids - and I have been taking my vits - but taking the time to 'eat' is hard.  Then when I do take the time, its like things have shrunk back to almost an early post op status.  Got an Angus Chili from Smash Burger  and ate not even half of it and was full (yes I did have a few (6-7) fries off my daughter's plate)... then took it to work and still couldn't finish it.  Tried to increase the calorie count by having a string cheese as well.  I might just need to get some peanut butter and celery (or apple) and start snacking on that.  I do get my protein in though - minimum of 2 scoops - 46g - but if I'm not eating like I should, I should get in at least another scoop I think.  I've been feeling fine - tired some - but with everything thats going on - I would say that's normal - LOL!  I will miss my scale though when we get on the truck - and figure I don't need a truck scale to weigh myself anymore - LOL!

Stuff getting done!!

Sigh... Momma in the hotel and we are getting stuff done!  Well maybe not as much as we could have, we played a little bit; but we were just enjoying the day - being able to walk at a normal pace - not having to be aware of the toddler and concider anything and everything that would effect her - not having to change but one 'diaper' today (love that one) - and tonight being able to sleep WITHOUT having to be hyperaware of sounds (such as the bell on the bedroom door).  Tomorrow we go look at 3 different 'homes'.  They are smaller, and will hold 6-8 residents.  I'm so glad that this option is available!!

We did make a purchase that I needed, but cringe at spending money.  Its a new laptop.  Before the truckdriving leap of faith, we were trying to 'revamp' the computer that Momma was using for solitare (until she forgot what a computer was) - it was having ALL types of problems.  Needless to say just as we get it up and running - we leap!!  Well I can't take a desk top in a truck, and I still want to run the business - plus our own household stuff - so I can't use a little netbook like Gary has for just web and email.  I need to run Quickbooks (it uses more memory than available on the netbook) - so we went for a basic/basic laptop, with just enough memory RAM to run QB.  (that's what I'm using to BLOG now) So I will be able to do all household stuff on this AND take it with me.  OH I have skype on this too - so if you want to skype me I'm ladyklingon :) I'm trying to stay intouch with everyone on Facebook - but the forums I'm not doing so good at.  Since my attention has drifted from Bariatric reading to Trucking reading I have been on a Trucking forum.  I need that info for the 'change' of careers.  I will try to touch back frequently to the WLS forums - though, I need THAT support and reinforcement too.

I have been (with all that is going on) loosing more weight.  I was holding steady there at 165ish for the longest time.  OK 165 to 161 (which was my lowest) - however this morning 158!! I feel fine - Gary says I don't look to thin - my body dismorphia fear is that I might get too thin and not recognise it!!  I know in my head that I'm now 'thin' but sometimes I don't FEEL it.  Its getting better though - I'm using that voice in my head to tell me I am - LOL!

Information overload and introducing the Bariatric Truckers :)

WOW my brain is fried!!  So much to do in so little time and details and tasks and time!!  So today Lynn and Morgan came over and Momma sat - we went to DMV and got my driving record. Over to the driving school/job recruiter and talked to her.  Then the most stressful part of the day - to a 'Skilled' facility to look at it for a possible place for Momma.  AH NO - can I just say at this point HELL NO.  I'm sure for the folk that need the place - its the perfect place for them, and it was clean, and the folks nice, but NO... she is not THAT bad yet.  So with Lynn helping me research/screen some numbers I finally talked to someone that didn't just refer me off to another number.  It appears to be an actual agency that helps folks in our possition find places for folks in Momma's possition... and they cover/deal with 4 different counties!  I told her we weren't choosy on the county - because we would not be available to visit that frequently anyway.  Since at this time I was TOTALLY stressed and was nearing my last straw (and near to tears) I think she could hear that in my voice... a lady will be coming out tomorrow to 'assess' Momma and we will go from there.

Business wise - this is what the plan is right now - the company PJ's is staying in business!!  We will stay 'on-line' and we will still have free local delivery (as well as shipping - LOL). It just won't be me making the delivery personally.  This business owner will be a Bariatric Trucker - LOL!

That seems to be the direction life is taking Gary and I right now.  This is 1) a dream we have had; that when we 'retire' in that mythical 'some day land'.  We would be truck drivers and see the US of A... well it seems like SOME DAY is coming to pass.  2) a way to save the house/property.  We weren't able to do it with Momma's income and my income alone and the job possibilites were not there in Sacramento for Gary.  Also with caring for Momma it seriously restricted what jobs and when Gary could even consider.  (I thank God that he placed me with whom I work right now... and that was 12+ years ago!  She/and the family have been wonderful and they are one of the things I will truly miss. I will visit though and there is always FaceBook - LOL) 3) Lynn and Morgan's lease on their apt is up really soon - they were trying to figure out which way to go next because their apt complex is - lets just say, not the best and leave it at that... plus with 2 dogs, places are hard to find.  I really think that this will work out all the way around.  It might have a rocky start - where we figure out where/what/when/who and stuff - but I think it will work... So the eventual plan (and with that word God starts laughing) is... Gary and I will be OTR (over the road) long haul team drivers - Momma will be cared for in a facility that will offer her socialization that we could not do and 24/7 care - Lynn and Morgan will have a house (with a room set aside for Gary and I when we are in town) to live in and our home will be cared for and will remain within the Johnson family!!  Win/Win/Win...

Boy when they said WLS was a journey - this is one road I didn't expect to go down!!  Speaking of down, I broke the 160# mark (159.6)... not intentionally though.  What with the stress, fever (which is getting better) and such - just haven't been 'hungry' - even at work which is really weird.  I usually tried to shove food in my face even when I'm not hungry and I'm not... <start Twilight Zone music here>

So now you are all caught up in what has been spinning my mind - and it has helped just putting in type... so I'll type more later :)

SSDD

Its Monday morning and I did some more of the 'reading' I told myself I was going to start doing - it didn't 'jump' out at me so much this morning - but there were distractions like the cat walking across the key board, Momma getting up and needing to get dressed and have breakfast, and my mind just not sticking to reading.  My ADD kicking in, or my no coffee yet syndrome - LOL!  There was one sentence though that I highlighted - "The effort to shield ourselves from the pain also blocks our awareness of the good stuff." - with that sentence she is trying to get across that when we have had our 'pains' and we shield ourselves so that we won't feel those pains again - that shield doesn't JUST block out the pain, it also blocks out the GOOD feelings as well... the appreciation of a sunset/sunrise - the pleasure of hearing a child's giggle.  That type of 'good' stuff.  She was talking about the pureness of the good childhood memories - the joys that came from simple things.  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I don't have many detailed memories of childhood.  I think that might be a self protective measure, but who knows - it just might be the type of brain I have - LOL!  I even now have difficulty remembering details.  So that is what I glommed onto with my reading this morning :)

Other than that - its the Same Stuff, Different Day - hence the SSDD title... I have weighed basically 163 +/- a pound all week - that is a good thing, and I'm happy with that.  It would be kinda fun to loose to 159.9 though - then I will have lost more than I weigh!!  We are still waiting on bids for Gary's work.  I'm still running the 'store' and business is slow, but steady with the few customers I have (thank you guys!!).  I still work with the little one I have worked with for over 11 years (so he's not so little anymore - LOL).  So not much has changed... Hopefully this week will bring GOOD changes though - maybe we will hear from some of Gary's bids - praying that will happen SOON!!!

Life - TMI - Stuff

Well as an update to what is happening in my life... not a whole lot - LOL!  Weight wise - I'm still holding in the mid 160's... I'm happy there.  I would like to have a better pooping schedule (yeah TMI for some) but I'm still working on balancing fluids/fiber and I really think my TOM/hormones play a big part in it.  Speaking of TMI and TOM - I have a feeling I'm heading to the 'change' - no TOM for the last couple months.  Also NO I'm not pregnant - LOL!

Hosted the 'Gather' last weekend - smaller than I expected - WAY smaller - LOL - but with the economy, traveling and I just haven't been putting in too much of a presence on the forums recently.  Those that came though - I'm REALLY am glad you made it!! (even those that came on Friday and Sunday - LOL) I enjoyed the food and friendship and look forward to getting together outside of a 'gather'.

Still needing prayers though - Gary has been working SO hard... but it takes time to put in bids and WAIT for answers... the waiting SUCKS!!  Bureaucracy works SLOWLY though... and in triplicate - LOL!!  We are also waiting for Momma's social worker to contact us - again that is a wait - 3 to 4 month wait!!  Grrrr!!  So at this point I'm looking around  the house and property thinking - Mmmm I wonder if we could sell that? How much would we get? Would it be worth it?  Would we regret it? If we don't - would we regret it more?  This is where the trust in God comes in - that he will 'provide' - not by gifting it (such as a lottery ticket - although I wouldn't toss it away - LOL) but by giving us ideas of the direction we need to go... such as the businesses.  Providing us with opportunities to provide for ourselves.  Directing our thoughts (if we listen)... I must admit - that is one thing I do miss... going to church.  (there is no way we could take Momma - and I would want to go w/Gary) Not so much the church we use to go to - but the reading and contemplation of the Bible and the words within.  I guess more of a Bible Study w/communion :) I don't seem to do well studying on my own - there is always 'other' things I find myself doing... Maybe I need to start putting THAT first - or at least try it for a while.

Tuesday morning weigh in

Don't let the title fool you - I'm a scale hoe.  I still weigh every day, sometimes two to three times a day - depending on if I had a good poop or not - LOL!  I tend to not let it bother me, because I KNOW that there are fluctuations and I have watched the scale bounce around with them.  I am just curious - if/when I eat out of plan (like just recently I attacked Momma's eatable arrangement - chocolate covered at that) I didn't 'gain'... now that its been 3-4 days, I have 'gained' 4-5 pounds.  Now I'm curious - is that 'fat'?  Did the possible 1000 cal of chocolate over 2-3 days put those 4-5 pounds on? Or is it 'water' weight? There was a detailed description as to the breakdown on glucose/glycogen etc. that I will find and post - excellent description.  So is it that process, but in reverse?  Or it could be 'that time of the month' - SO CONFUSING!!  Now you know why I don't let specific numbers freak me out TOO much.  I do find though that when the numbers are heading to my 'line in the sand' - which for me right now is 170 - I REALLY start to watch what I put in my mouth!! I go back to my protein drinks and SOLID protein meals - yes that means chicken, sliced deli meats, things that I know sit heavy in my pouch... I actually have to purposely aim for those foods.  I find that I lean towards the easier foods for my pouch - cottage cheese, soft saucy things - who likes that 'heavy' feeling after a couple bites - I LIKE to eat - and solid proteins don't let me eat that much - but that is the point isn't it - LOL!  So I'm back (at least today) on the solid stuff... the few pounds might just be TOM water weight - but I'm heading back to that line in the sand and I REFUSE to step over it!!


Found what I copy and pasted on FACEBOOK... here is that info:

Copy and Pasted - info from Baka in a thread on BTV - excellent discription of the process of those WTF moments our bodies do.

***Pull back from your ‘daily’ charting, and look at a weekly or even monthly. There are up and down spikes each day, But if you ‘graph’ the highest to the lowest, I’d bet there is still A downward slope over the course of the month.

There’s an 8 to 10lb. volume of "wiggle room" due to water alone. And it comes into play a lot. This has to do with our bodies using glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, But it is stored in our muscles for quick energy – One pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs of water to keep it soluble, And the average glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs.

So, when you are not getting in enough food, (Like when you drop down to your calorie intake) Your body turns first to stored glycogen, Which is easy to break down for energy. And when you use up 2 lbs of glycogen, You also lose 8 lbs of water that was used to store it Voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs that most people lose in the first week of any diet.

As you stay in caloric deficit, however, Your body starts to ‘realize’ that this is not a short term problem.

You start mobilizing fat from your adipose tissue And burning fat for energy. But your body also ‘realizes’---- (by way of your liver releasing hormones signaling low Cal intake) ---That fat can't be used for short bursts of energy – Like, to outrun a saber-tooth tiger. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, And rebuilding the glycogen stores.

And as it puts back the 2 lbs of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though you might still be LOSING energy content to your body, (Thus showing negative Calorie load overall) Your weight will not go down or you might even GAIN for a while As you retain water to dissolve the glycogen that is being reformed and stored. Yes? The whole ‘weight-loss’ process is not a straight "Slide" down the scale. More like "Stair-Steps," (Down then forward, then down, then forward, etc... As your body cycles fat out of "deep storage" and through the Liver Into the muscles as Glycogen.

The muscles and Liver can hold about a 3 weeks supply. This is why many people find that their "Stall" or "Plateau" Breaks when adding a bit of exercise And upping their water intake, or in the case of an "extreme exerciser," The total Calorie or Protein Intake, To signal the liver to let go of more Glycogen.

Hope this helps some. You are doing Great! Keep it Up***

Glad I did it...

Well I'm glad I went.  Yes I went to the support group - Gary made me (ya' I'll blame it on him - love ya' Honey!) - but it was a good choice.  Not only did I get some face to face support (which is different than electronic support - which is what I usually get - and is good in its own way) but I have a new direction to look for customers and one of the ladies there said she was going to 'check out' my website.  I try not to get too excited about that - others have been ALL EXCITED and said YES YOU SHOULD GET THAT, I'LL ORDER IT FROM YOU... well I got it - its still in the store... I risked it though, because another actually followed through with the request... sigh... live and learn :) Another thing I learned - I need to remember what my prices are - LOL - you know how bad it looks that the OWNER of the store when asked can't tell you how much one bag of chips are or a tube of protein?  LOL - I felt like such a dweeb <laughing at self>

Oh and sleep is a miracle medication!! And a husband that says - go back to bed, I got this - is an ANGEL!! Its amazing how much sleep really seems to affect my outlook on life itself.  Not that any circumstances have changed - they haven't - but they don't feel as dire as when I don't have sleep.  That feels nice!!

I'm at the lowest weight I can remember - I'm sure I was around here in Jr. High - but I have no clue what number that is.  The Doc's goal for me was 180 - I was thinking 170 - I am now 162 - I still feel good, I feel healthy - so I'm not THAT concerned about being at this 'number' - I just don't want to get obsessed with getting lower and lower... I don't know how low is TOO low... I have such a hard time realizing what my REAL size is.  Body dismorphia I think its called... yeah I think I have some of that.  From what I've read though, its pretty common among everyone.  If you are fat, you don't realize just HOW fat you are, and if you are thin, you don't realize just HOW thin you are.  I still get amazed when I'm folding clothes and pick up my pants to put them away - "can I really FIT into these??" It still blows my mind!! 

Well enough for now - since Gary let me sleep in my usual morning routine is all catywompus and it's 11am now - got to leave for work at 2pm and all I've done so far is have my morning protein (2 scoops in some coffee) and jot down stuff in this new 'blog'. **cool thing about the BLOG - I even have 'followers' now!!  And folks have 'commented' - that means people have actually READ this :)** I'll be back later...