Change...

Change is usually a good thing... At least I'm hoping so.  We had a decision to make and it had to be a yes from both of us.  We have been having problems with the fleet manager/driver manager we have been with since she took over... Trust and attitude... BIG things when working together. Due to things that had happened, and are happening, we have little to no trust in our current DM.  So we had a decision to make... Leave Central, leave our current fleet, or stay with what we know and put up with it... Well leaving Central was TOO big of a leap, and we do have a contractual commitment with the lease (even though yes we COULD get out of it if we wanted or needed to go that far). Staying with the current situation also we just couldn't handle. So when an opportunity presented itself we had to decide to take it or not. Well we decided to try it. It's a new dedicated fleet just starting up.  It will be going from CA to FL to GA then back to CA.  Bonus is that the spot in CA is 20 miles away from home... So that means we can be at the house weekly!! Not a bunch of time, but still home! That is one of the biggies. The second is consistent miles... Sure the same lane might/and probably will get boring, but looking at the larger picture, it will be an income we can depend on!! AND more consistent miles than what we are doing now!! We had invested so much time and energy into our previous dedicated fleet, and gotten to know the client and had plans thought out for the future... However I still think this will be a better move for us, especially at this time.  Time will tell though... But I have HOPE!!

Hope and a prayer...

What powerful tools God has given us! This morning I was spiraling into my well... and not finding any place for calm or reflexion.  There is no place of sanctuary for me (or so I felt) here.  I put on FB the request for prayers - non specific, he (God) knows of my thoughts and struggles and he provided.

Got to visit with my sisters!  That is the help he provided me with today.  There he showed me love and the power of hope.  One of my sister's is battling her second fight with cancer... she has been reading a book called "A Cup of Hope", by Emilie Barnes.  In that book she shared a portion that hit just the right spot today.  It can pertain to not only her situation, but any struggles we find ourselves in... such as I was feeling this morning.  Here is the section we read:

   And never underestimate the endurance requird to keep on hoping over the long haul.  Fatigue and despair so often walk hand in hand. When you get really tired, the tendency is to give up on hoping.  To focus only on your aching feet and burning muscles, losing sight of where you're walking and why.
   But here's the other side of the connection between hope and strength that makes it all work.
   Yes, hope requires strength -- sometimes all thes strength you can muster. But hope also gives you strength.  Hope energizes. Hope moves you forward.  When you dare to hope, you can do so much more than you ever thought.
   And yes, hope requires courage -- but hoping can make you brave.  It makes the sacrifices seem worthwhile.
   And hope certainly requires endurance.  But  hope helps you endure.  Hope will carry you farther through suffering and trials than almost any quality.  For hope is often the thing that kicks in to endure when physical, emotional, and mental strength is gone.  It's one of those seemingly fragile qualities that endure when more robust attitudes have failed.
   The poet Emily Dickinson once suggested that hope is a "thing with feathers" that keeps on singing no matter what happens.  I think of it more like a monarch butterfly or a hummingbird -- those seemingly delicate little creatures that migrate millions of miles a year, flying through rain, wind, and snow to reach their destination.  It may seem fragile, but it's enduring. And it's brave. And therefore it's remarkably strong.
   And here's the truth that makes it all work: We're not expected to come up with the strength and courage and endurance on our own.  In fact, we're not espected to be strong at all.  We get ouor strong hope, our courageous hope, our enduring hope, by depending in the Lord, who is our strength.
   But it doesn't just come to us by sitting there, waiting to be strong so we can move forward in hope.  the way it usually works is that we just start doing what we thing God wants us to do, tructing that we will be given the strength we need when we need it.  Like the hummingbird or the monarch, we just start doing what we need to do. 
  That's when the power of the Lord kicks in, and hope starts to sing.


Hope is always stronger than you think.  Trust it -- and you will find the strength and courage you need.

Such good and timely words.  Words I so needed to hear today... So the prayer that was sent out earlier, harvested the HOPE I feel right now...

Thank you Lord - and my sisters for being the answer to my earlier prayers :)

Playing in each others minds...

It amazes me at times how a like we (Gary and I) think... We see something along the road and one says something about it, and the other is like - that's what I was thinking!! I think it has even gotten more pronounced now that we are living/working in such close proximity.  I must admit - being able to tolorate each other; while living in a walk in closet; was one of my concerns in becoming a truck driver.  We did have a few clashes when we first started and still occasionally bump heads (figuratively and literally - LOL) but nothing major... and usually when we have been running hard and are tired/stressed.  So it would have happened if we were on the road or not.  I am glad we are doing this - finacially - well at least the house hasn't been forclosed on... but because we went 'lease' and have had down/home time, things  could have been better.  Food and weight wise - we are doing 'ok'... still working with the head hunger - because I KNOW I don't need as many calories as what I'm eating - but I LIKE eating - LOL!  So we are doing more salads and veggies - less tortillas with peanutbutter and bananas (yes that was our breakfast of choice for quite a while)... Having a refrigerator and ways of cooking on the truck has been a real blessing!!  I don't think we would have made ANY money if we had to purchase food from the truck stops/restaurants.  You could eat healthy (for the most part) but the cost!!  Of course that's the same thing if we were 'home' - going  out to eat or fast food.

So right now we are heading into Salt Lake City, then heading to Phoenix, AZ and from there Maryland and New Jersey... Still planning on some home time for our Grand's first birthday and depending on how things are there - one of us might go solo while the other deals with some things at the house... Got to make that least payment!!  So any one reading - IF you are thinking of going lease - AND you have family/house etc... think very carefully!!  With hind sight I wish we had stayed company, but we needed the flexability of leasing - so we made the best decicion we could at the time... sigh... and so we roll on :)

Almost rolling again...

Sigh... It's been a long week. Good, in that we got to visit with family... Bad due to the AMOUNT of time we needed to take off and the reason for the home time. I wouldn't have passed up the time with family though. Going to try to have some Miller side visit time before we leave. Gary is just finishing up with the mailing of death certificates; and I'm sure there will be other little details that we will remember once we get back out on the road. Our next scheduled time home is for Eddie's first birthday... We were going to be here a full week, but now not sure how long we will be able to afford... Then winter will be starting... So the next scheduled home time after that will be over Christmas probably. Other than those 'plans' we will be flying by the seat of our pants... LOL!

Rest in Peace Momma...

We got a call yesterday that Momma had passed. It's was sort of expected at some time, but it's never 'expected'. She was in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease, not knowing anyone any more... Also non ambulatory since she broke her hip. The call came as we were near our Salt Lake City terminal, and I must say the weekend DMs were great. No questions asked, just OK drop the trailer and since there wasn't a load heading west we are now bob tailing 650 miles to Sac... The benefits of leasing :/ no idea how long we will be there, or what all needs to be done... Bless you Momma... You are and will be missed!

Damn, Damn and Double Damn...

So frustrated with myself... Health Insurance... one of my major concerns and sticking points... we were getting COBRA but due to not getting mail the way I'm use to (hard to get it delivered to the truck) and having a system of filing and reminders etc... I missed a payment - and the amount due had changed - so there was a pending balance which didn't get paid - well through all that gobbily goop - needless to say we now are flying without a net!!  This will make it SO very hard to get insurance because we are not at this time covered by insurance... also with our 'history' of gastric bypass we have a 'pre-existing' condition. I was already having fits trying to find 'affordable' insurance with that!!  Sigh...

Yeah - bad point about living in a truck - staying on top of what bills are and what needs to get paid.  So totally frustrated - but I guess to look at the 'bright side' - I now have the funds available to pay the student loans I haven't been able to pay - which are now over the amount we paid for our first home!! 

Other than these and other concerns at 'home' - things are going well - LOL!  Yeah - just got to take it a day/minute at a time... if I don't, I would go crazier than I am now :)

Faith, Family, Friends and Attitude!!

All so very important!

It so amazes me what can be accomplished with that combination. Faith - to trust that what is meant to be, will happen.  Even if its not what you want or expect - it will, in the long run, be what needs to be.  Family - Growing up my family was 'different' - not in the usual 'different' as in divorce or anything like that. Different in that my Mom, while there, really wasn't 'there'; but my sisters filled that void as I was growing up. However - as I married and had a family of my own; it showed me the importance of 'family'.  My MIL took me under her wing, my husband is not only my husband, but also my best friend. My daughter is my treasure and my grandson my joy... Friends (both in person and virtual) give laughter and support. Companionship and comoradery (however you spell that)... However attitude is also so very important.  You can have Family and Friends all pulling for you - you can have faith - but the power of the mind is AMAZING!!  You can talk yourself into being sick - you can talk yourself into depression - it can even work the other way around.  Sure, somethings it might not work on - you can't talk yourself out of a broken bone - but you can decide not to let it bring you down. Yeah - I know - easier said than done... and I don't do it that well myself... but it is with faith - that I believe everything will turn out OK...

What brought all this on??  My sister 12 years ago was diagnosed with breast cancer - she battled it and survived!!  At the time the diagnosis was very bad, but with her faith, family, friends and attitude she won.  She is now having to start the battle again - she knows how to do this - she has 'won' before and will again... I have faith!!