Something I've noticed

There is something I've noticed... while reading different BLOGS or web sites or Facebook and all the other places folk post stuff... it seems similar subjects come in waves.  One person post something, then another posts about it, then another and so on... Where do the original ideas come from?  Who starts them? I don't know if when I 'blog' I want to do the same thing and post 'my' opinion or not... it usually follows along (for the most part) with everyone else.  So why repeat what everyone else is saying?  I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm having a hard time thinking of things to post.  Its usually already been said; and in a more readable, understandable format than what I would do.  As you can tell by now, I'm not the most articulate person around.  I would love to post INSPIRATIONAL things - or INFORMATIONAL things - or INTERESTING things... I just don't seem to get to them before everyone else - LOL - or I just don't think of those things until I read them else where - yeah, that's probably it :) 

My adventures

In the previous post I mentioned that I'm sick - yep - sneezing, stuffy/runny nose - no temp to speak of (thank goodness) so that rules out the flu - just a common cold.  Still miserable though... so I looked at Neti Pots and thought - mmm - maybe - then I got to the store and saw the cost $17... ok not so much, but when you don't have that in your account - its too much.  So I did a McGyver - LOL - improvised.  I had some normal saline packets for a nebulizer (breathing treatment machine Gary used to have to use) - and so I leaned my head over and used those... well when the nose is plugged - it will just run out the side I'm trying to fill = mess!!  However it did soften the plug stuff so I was able to clear it a bit... that was Saturday - did a repeat yesterday and this morning... I think it has helped some with the nose - however, I'm now getting into the aches... not sure if its cold related, or because I've been 'taking it easy' (being lazy)... so I think I will consider a REAL neti pot when $$ allows - it would provide a better seal instead of just dripping and making a mess - LOL! 

On Sunday we made a delivery - then continued on to SF.  Just Gary and I... such a nice treat.  Yeah I was sick, but I was just sitting in the truck.  We did have a basket of fried (yes fried) calamari at the wharf - but the treat and the day (even thought is was cold/windy/wet) was WONDERFUL!  Days like that help me remember what is important.  $$ is nice, but can't buy companionship/comfort/love... (sorry for the mushy stuff :)  We didn't take a map - so we also 'wandered' through SF for a while (in the truck - to cold and wet to walk) seeing the sights... we haven't done that for a while.  Just taken off and gone driving.  Yep Sunday was a good day - oh and what about Momma??  Lynn & Morgan stayed with her.  They were bored out of their minds - I'm sure - but we so greatly appreciate them doing that for us... plus Lynn made up some mini pumpkin pie things - using a fresh pumpkin!!  YUM!!

Made another delivery today and have another tomorrow - Woo Hoo!!  Slow and steady wins the race... <big grin>  Well I'm at work (my paying job) so I guess I better start getting to the paperwork - bye for now <waving>

My first since surgery

My first what you might ask - my first cold!  ARG!!  Sneezing/runny nose/starting to get stuffed up - yeah starting to feel yucky.  However - I have notice this is the first one since surgery... OMG - I use to get a cold about every 4-6 months and its been 18 months!!  How amazing is that?  Now I don't know if its because I've lost weight, or I'm now religiously taking vitamins.  Maybe its because I'm eating more nutritious foods instead of quantities of foods.  I must admit that my mind is fuzzy and I'm not going to 'lyrically wax on' about the mysteries of my health... just thought it was a wonderful side effect of surgery - IF that's what it is.  Now I'm going to make it though this shift at work - and take some meds when I get home because wouldn't you know it - I have plans tomorrow (on my day off) and I don't want to be sick - LOL!

Best intentions...

I have the best intentions in the world to BLOG every day - I even find myself thinking as I drive/ride to and from work - I should post about >-------< and then I get to work, or home and nada, zip, zero - I have completely brain farted everything I wanted to type about - LOL - OK at home I really don't have the time to sit and type - there are SO many other things I SHOULD be doing - that I start multiple things and nothing gets done - LOL!  Then by the time I get to work - I almost don't want to 'think'... I want to mindlessly cruise FaceBook and watch HULU! Am I escaping reality??  You betcha! (LOL - flash to a FB comment-log - but again 'that' is a post for another time that I will probably forget about ;) Why do I have such a hard time following through on thoughts?  Now you know why the blog's name is 'Scattered Thoughts' - LOL... actually I'm escaping doing my 'volunteer' job by blogging.  I 'resigned' from my position (effective 2/2011) - and I have serious short timers attitude.  I really enjoyed doing it - and I think did it well - but I'm done! Funny thing is, I will probably miss doing it after a month or so - LOL.

Ok... I went back to my volunteer job and am  escaping again I'm taking another break... I have no idea what I WAS going to say - so on to another subject.

Gary has a part time job... OK a really small part time job (3-4 hrs/week) but who knows, it might work into something more - AND that will give him time to keep working on his business.  He has been bidding boocoo (lots of) jobs - and if any of them come in it will be WONDERFUL!!  If they ALL come in we will be SO very busy!!  I want at least one of them to come in though.  Not just for the $$ - yeah the $$ would be GREATLY appreciated; but also so that he will know that YES he CAN do this.  He sees the occasional sales I have, and gets frustrated that he isn't selling anything.  Well my protein is a different product - that's for sure - LOL - and his will make more money WHEN it sells.

Well I'm off to watch some HULU and then I will finish with my volunteer job, then chart for my 'real' job... all the while counting the minutes until I get to go home to where my heart is...

Life - TMI - Stuff

Well as an update to what is happening in my life... not a whole lot - LOL!  Weight wise - I'm still holding in the mid 160's... I'm happy there.  I would like to have a better pooping schedule (yeah TMI for some) but I'm still working on balancing fluids/fiber and I really think my TOM/hormones play a big part in it.  Speaking of TMI and TOM - I have a feeling I'm heading to the 'change' - no TOM for the last couple months.  Also NO I'm not pregnant - LOL!

Hosted the 'Gather' last weekend - smaller than I expected - WAY smaller - LOL - but with the economy, traveling and I just haven't been putting in too much of a presence on the forums recently.  Those that came though - I'm REALLY am glad you made it!! (even those that came on Friday and Sunday - LOL) I enjoyed the food and friendship and look forward to getting together outside of a 'gather'.

Still needing prayers though - Gary has been working SO hard... but it takes time to put in bids and WAIT for answers... the waiting SUCKS!!  Bureaucracy works SLOWLY though... and in triplicate - LOL!!  We are also waiting for Momma's social worker to contact us - again that is a wait - 3 to 4 month wait!!  Grrrr!!  So at this point I'm looking around  the house and property thinking - Mmmm I wonder if we could sell that? How much would we get? Would it be worth it?  Would we regret it? If we don't - would we regret it more?  This is where the trust in God comes in - that he will 'provide' - not by gifting it (such as a lottery ticket - although I wouldn't toss it away - LOL) but by giving us ideas of the direction we need to go... such as the businesses.  Providing us with opportunities to provide for ourselves.  Directing our thoughts (if we listen)... I must admit - that is one thing I do miss... going to church.  (there is no way we could take Momma - and I would want to go w/Gary) Not so much the church we use to go to - but the reading and contemplation of the Bible and the words within.  I guess more of a Bible Study w/communion :) I don't seem to do well studying on my own - there is always 'other' things I find myself doing... Maybe I need to start putting THAT first - or at least try it for a while.

I wonder...

I wonder if I have any Manic/Depressive tenancies?  Oh not to where I get psychotic or anything... but while looking it up on WebMD (and you know you can trust EVERYTHING you read on the web - LOL) I spotted this:

What Are Signs of Hypomania With Bipolar II Disorder?

Signs of hypomania with bipolar II disorder include:

• Decreased need for sleep - I slept maybe 5 hours last night a very lightly at that...
• Extreme focus on projects at work or at home Yeah - focused on the 'Support Group' idea tonight.
• Exuberant and elated mood - another one here - I'm stoked with the idea of starting up a Support Group - and learning new skills - meeting new people.
• Increased confidence - Possibly - look at above responses... would I do that 'normally'?
• Increased creativity and productivity - productivity - a bit more - as time allowed today.
• Increased energy and libido - yeah - increased energy.
• Reckless behaviors - Nope I don't think so...
• Risk-taking behaviors - Again I don't think so. 

This is almost how I felt when I decided to 'start' the store. It was a good thing (I think) that I started it.  Time will tell, but so far so good.  This isn't the first time that there have been marked ups (or at least that I took notice of them) - and I know I have downs (don't like those - LOL) - so I'm wondering - is what I'm feeling the normal ups and downs everyone has, or are they more pronounced than 'everyone else'.  I think the reason why I'm noticing it more is that I have been paying attention to myself and how I'm FEELING more.  Not just taking for granted that this is the way I am today.  I'm noticing thoughts vs. actions and the feelings along with them.  This is a good thing - one that I probably should have done YEARS ago.  I have thought about 'talking' with someone - not just about what I'm going through now - life in general and other stresses - but my past and how that might be effecting me now.  I don't think I will be doing that any time soon though - $$ is the main consideration there.  So for the time being - I will continue to read and self 'talk to' via this blog and introspection - that will just have to do for now. 

Blessings...

Earlier today I read my nephew's blog and I guess it made me a bit 'contemplative' (wow - that's a big word for me - LOL)... not so much in a bad way, but made me think about why I/we might be where we are right now.  Not just where I'm sitting (which is work - yeah blogging while I'm at work - shhh - don't tell the boss) but in life in general.  Having the surgery, starting a business, resigning from my volunteer job, walking a financial tight rope and not doing it well, taking care of Momma, blogging and self reflecting... WHY am I here doing what I'm doing?  So many times I forget that I'm not in this alone.  Yeah I have my husband (my rock and soft place to fall) and my daughter (my joy and treasure) - but I also have God... I just don't lean on him like I should - and share my burdens with him.  I try to shoulder them all myself, and wonder what else should I do... instead of asking him what I should do.  Not that I would magically hear his voice saying 'you should do .....'; but ask him to guide me in making decisions that go along with his plan for me.  Its hard to let go of the reins though... to trust him like I should - that I am right were he wants me to be - doing what I need to be doing. 

So with this heavy contemplation I wanted to remember my blessings and not just my difficulties.  Some of them - in no particular order besides how they popped into my head:

My Husband - for being my rock (always being there when I needed a hug or shoulder - even a swift kick at times) and my soft place to fall (where I feel safe, loved and cherished)
My Daughter - who has grown up to be a wonderful young lady, with so much tenderness and caring within her; and a heart that over flows at times.
My Dad (and Mom - in her own way - but that is a story for another time) Gave me my foundation - and with out the BOTH of them, I wouldn't be who I am today.
The little one sitting on my lap trying to get my attention and making me laugh :) he helps bring to view how life could have been so different.
My health - that had gotten bad enough for me to want to change it for the better.
The life that God has given me so far... that is a BLESSING... even with the challenges and stresses - those are blessings as well - for they make me strive to be better than I was.

Life is change - not sure what those changes will end up being - not sure if I will 'like' those changes - but as my Dad would tell me - - "cross that bridge when you come to it". Plus you never know - it just might be one of the best things that has happened to me so far :)