Bariatrics

bar·i·at·rics[bar-ee-a-triks]

–noun ( used with a singular verb )

a branch of medicine that deals with the control and treatment of obesity and allied diseases.

You know - it was kinda embarrassing yesterday - I was talking to a bank manager while we were working on some of my volunteer stuff and I mentioned my business PJ's Bariatrics... she asked - what is bariatrics - I just kind of sat there with my mouth open... how do you describe it - its a type of surgery? Its what I had done?  I was at a total loss for words - LOL - 'I' knew what it was, but I couldn't tell someone else what it was... so for anyone else that needs to tell someone just what 'bariatrics' is - above is the official definition per www.dictionary.com

SSDD

Its Monday morning and I did some more of the 'reading' I told myself I was going to start doing - it didn't 'jump' out at me so much this morning - but there were distractions like the cat walking across the key board, Momma getting up and needing to get dressed and have breakfast, and my mind just not sticking to reading.  My ADD kicking in, or my no coffee yet syndrome - LOL!  There was one sentence though that I highlighted - "The effort to shield ourselves from the pain also blocks our awareness of the good stuff." - with that sentence she is trying to get across that when we have had our 'pains' and we shield ourselves so that we won't feel those pains again - that shield doesn't JUST block out the pain, it also blocks out the GOOD feelings as well... the appreciation of a sunset/sunrise - the pleasure of hearing a child's giggle.  That type of 'good' stuff.  She was talking about the pureness of the good childhood memories - the joys that came from simple things.  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I don't have many detailed memories of childhood.  I think that might be a self protective measure, but who knows - it just might be the type of brain I have - LOL!  I even now have difficulty remembering details.  So that is what I glommed onto with my reading this morning :)

Other than that - its the Same Stuff, Different Day - hence the SSDD title... I have weighed basically 163 +/- a pound all week - that is a good thing, and I'm happy with that.  It would be kinda fun to loose to 159.9 though - then I will have lost more than I weigh!!  We are still waiting on bids for Gary's work.  I'm still running the 'store' and business is slow, but steady with the few customers I have (thank you guys!!).  I still work with the little one I have worked with for over 11 years (so he's not so little anymore - LOL).  So not much has changed... Hopefully this week will bring GOOD changes though - maybe we will hear from some of Gary's bids - praying that will happen SOON!!!

Autopilot

As I mentioned before - I had lunch with my sister yesterday.  During that lunch she recommended a book - Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart.  She said to try reading it slowly and praying before you read for the day.  Read just a page, or two - absorb what was written... see if there a something in there that touches you.  So I started this morning.  She was right - there was a phrase that just jumped out at me. "Life is not a journey you want to make on autopilot".  I have been doing that recently.  The stresses of each day - work, Momma, bills, housework (and the list goes on) I have been just going one day at a time - doing things by habit.  Not really paying attention to life as it has been going on around me.  Another sentence "We can so easily sleepwalk through our days - out of touch, disconnected, half-alive".  I don't want to do that any more.  I have a feeling this book will help point me, and guide me to be alive again.  To help me find joy and passion for living... Oh don't get me wrong - I do have happiness now. I have a loving husband, a wonderful kid and many other blessings... this is more of an inner reflection. "It's just that sometimes we get mired in the very clay he dug us out of, tangled in the weeds of our own wanderings".  I think I'm going to enjoy this 'quiet - just for me time' :) and I might just get something out of it!!

Lifestyle

I have been reading posts and links that folks put up on Facebook - and I really need to read them more closely, but one thing they have in common - they all mention that you have to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE to maintain the weight loss... what do they mean about lifestyle... the car you drive?  Where you live? What clothes you wear? Well those will change a bit - to a smaller size, but you get the idea.  The lifestyle they are talking about is how you approach and deal with... wait for it... FOOD!!  Yep - THAT is the lifestyle that everyone is talking about. (there is also exercise, but I can't talk about that one - I don't 'exercise', but I do 'move' more now than I did) I am so working on my 'lifestyle'... having the surgery has helped, but the hard work is just beginning.  I've lost the weight I wanted to loose (thank you Lord), but now comes the work on the head - so I don't turn to food for comfort.  That is a change in my lifestyle. I also need to not turn to food out of boredom, another change.  Or how about turning to food in times of stress, depression, celebration - yep that is another change in lifestyle.  All my life up to this point (well April of last year actually) I would (and could) turn to food for distraction, comfort and celebration (I can still celebrate w/food - just changing the type and amount of food).  Now I'm learning a new lifestyle - to DO something if I'm bored.  To pamper myself if I'm depressed.  To concentrate on what I'm celebrating INSTEAD of the food I'm celebrating with.  ALL of those things are different for me - a change in my lifestyle.  Now this isn't saying that I don't fall back into my old ways at times - I do - but my old lifestyle would have been to give up and say 'ah to hell with it' - now my new lifestyle is 'pick your ass up and try again!'... so far so good :)

Cobwebs...

Ahhhh - I feel so much better :) It is so amazing to me how even a short ride will help clear out some of the cobwebs.  Its almost a 'ZEN' feeling when riding.  I'm just riding to work, but in that short 20-30 minutes I don't concentrate on anything else BUT riding.  No worries about $$ or computers or 'to do' lists - just riding!!  There is a vibration and humming - then the feeling of the wind - ahhhh.  Words just don't do it justice - LOL!  An old saying - only a biker knows why a dog hangs his head out a window - yeah, I get it!

I hadn't been riding because I actually had a cold last week... I wanted to make sure I was completely over that because without my fa 'insulation' it gets downright cold at times on the way home.  LAYERS and wind proofing are the keys though.  I feel like the Michelin Man with all my gear on.  The layers consist of a head cover/face mask, helmet - then moving down a shirt, fleece, jacket and a windbreaker - legs get tights, pants and chaps - feet are socks and shoes (hope to get some boots someday soon).  Oh and gloves - LOL!!

I remember one of my favorite NSV (non scale victory) was when I was wondering what was going on with my bike!?! I had 100 miles on it and I wasn't having to switch over to the researve tank yet... when it finally dawned on me, it wasn't anything to do with the bike - it was ME that had changed!!  I had lost about 100# at that time - so the bike was getting better gas mileage not having to haul that extra 100# around.  I was stopped at a light and let out a squeal - now remember if I biker says anything out loud, folks can hear it - there are no windows - so I got a few funny looks, but I didn't care - it was a GREAT NSV!!

Ziploc

As I'm sitting here at work - thinking about eating dinner - I look at the little Ziploc container I'm using and think - I really like these things!  So I thought I would pass it along.  I have mentioned before that I have a problem with portion control... these really help.  I have a lunch box that I fill to bring with me to work - I can fit 4 of these in the box... That is plenty for a 'snack' when I get to work (about 3 pm) and dinner (at about 6 pm) with another 'snack' (about 8-9 pm) before I leave for home.  Each container holds 1-1.5 cups worth of food - so even if I pack a slider food (food that slips easily through my stoma) such as cottage cheese or soup, I still can't eat more because I didn't bring more :) Then now have come out with the twist top ones to - so much better for that liquid stuff!! So tonight I brought home made chili (Momma helped me sort the beans - LOL - kept her busy for a while) some pumpkin cheese cake w/SF caramel sauce drizzled on top, some peanut butter sweetened w/splenda and an apple.  So only 3 containers tonight - with an apple... Evening is the time I eat the most - so limiting what I bring really helps - at least that's the goal :)

Patience

pa·tience/ˈpeɪʃəns/ Show Spel[pey-shuhns]

–noun

1.  the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

Definition provided by Dictionary.com 

What a precious commodity that is!!  It has been totally used up today... now I am just fatigued, depressed, frustrated... by what you might ask?  Oh a number of things... and if I went into detail I would be seriously WHINING - and OH do I really want to!!  However I do know this is sort of public here - I am putting it out there - but this is also my 'life' I'm blogging/journaling about... and right now its a very frustrating/stressful life.  Yes I do know others have it harder - and yes things could be worse - and no I don't want them to be worse - I DO want them to get better - but some things won't GET better... in a single word - Momma.  Other things will take time and waiting - and I don't like waiting - because I would like to know the outcome NOW!! Another thing is computers and programs and stuff I am not that good at - and all the CRAP that goes with them!! Can we say FRUSTRATION here? Still other stuff I pray will get better - but I'm scared that it might just get worse - hence the stress.

During this stress/fatigue/frustration - I would really like to eat myself senseless - so I don't have to feel any of this ... well sort of.  I find myself wanting to, but not wanting to.... it's like a vicious circle in my head - go ahead/NO don't/go ahead, you know you want to/NO DON'T - needless to say, I'm not always successful listening to the NO don't voice... sigh... but sometimes I am.  I sure hope it gets easier - because right now - its not so easy!!